In reading about Alexithymia, I came across this word "Anhedonia" and decided to look it up.
Anhedonia-(from the Greek an- "without" + hedone "pleasure") is an inability to experience pleasurable emotions from normally pleasurable life events such as eating, exercise, social interaction or sexual activities.
Researchers theorize that anhedonia may result from the breakdown in the brains reward system, involving dopamine pathways. Two 2005 studies found that certain sections of the brain in depressed subjects had to work harder to process happy thoughts.
It is a clinical symptom of depression. People suffering from anhedonia in association with depression generally feel good in the morning and unhappy in the evenings.
Okay, a number of things are jumping around in my mind...let me start with the word pleasure...
Pleasure- a pleased feeling; enjoyment; delight; satisfaction, etc...
My big problem with this word is that whenever I see it, think it, use it..it means nothing except for sex..and not really in a good way. I avoid using the "p" word, really, seriously, it causes me grief. Obviously, I need to rework those pathways at some point.
I failed to find any information on the web which links anhedonia to Aspergers or autism. It is something that I have clearly had since birth and explains oh so much about my "abnormal" or lack of reaction to things that others enjoy. Life has been mostly ho-hum, mundane, routine without much sparkle.
People get enjoyment from eating? Seriously? I would never, ever had guessed that. To me, eating is one of those mundane chores of daily living...to be put up with and dealt with...pretty much like a chore. It simply needs to be done.
Last week someone asked me what I enjoy? Enjoy? I really have to think about that because nothing immediately springs to mind. Enjoyment is quite a strong word. There are things that I "like". I like creating and making original art. Ok, I can say that I enjoy painting and creating. I like eating. I enjoy standing outdoors and looking at the sky, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face. I like animals and my pets, but I don't tend to get too upset if they are no longer around. I enjoy...thinking...thinking...lol...still thinking...I enjoy the color orange because it is bright and vibrant. I like writing. I enjoy...finding the perfect shirt at Goodwill that is often loud and colorful and completely me.
This is a lot of work, but I am finding "enjoyment" and things that mean something to me. It doesn't come easily by any means. Every now and then, I do manage to be shopping and see something that sparks a material interest. But, I think I am grasping here. Obviously, I have anhedonia.
There is no known cure, although anti-depressants can be of some help.
I think of it, as mostly, just trying to stay level and not falling down into the pit......Life, that is...my summary, looking back.
Perpetual doldrums would be another, interspersed with climbing mountains, falling and getting back up again.
Such is my life. It actually goes well with Aspergers and Alexithymia, the latter of which I will go into in greater depth in future posts.
Anyway, I found it quite interesting..the way my brain is wired and all. A new word to describe a pattern of existence..makes sense :)
Interesting. There are many things I like, the problem is the overall enjoyment factor is roughly the same for each. I enjoy my coffee just as much as the cigarette which usually goes hand in hand. I enjoy sleeping, writing, and witty dialouge with other people (as infrequent as it happens in the real world). As for displaying any sort of external emotional response - most cases no, I don't announce this to everyone. Mainly because it's my sources of enjoyment, and I haven't really put much thought into what I like.
ReplyDeleteAlso, almost every time that you admit an interest to someone else you have to explain it. It could be that the hobbies and habits that you never really think about, kind of take for granted for being abilities that you have mastered over the years - are things that others are incapable of. Whether this is artistically inclined whatever, having and using an imagination, or being able to transform your thoughts into paragraphs of blog worthy material. How do you do this? How do I do this?
How do I write? That's fairly simple, I sit down and open up my outdated WordPad and type away. I could let all those rules of grammer, punctuation, and years of English courses get it the way. The truth is that I ignore grammer, hope for the best when it comes to all those damn comma's and periods, and most of what I scribble would probably appall my old teachers. Doesn't matter. Same with drawing and painting, my methods make sense to me - do I feel the need to psychologically examine each piece I create, wonder why I did it and what it says about me? No. The enjoyment comes from doing something - not whatever implied or secret messages others bestow apon the finished product.
Perhaps our defitions of pleasure are different from nuero-typicals. I think of it more as the head space you get in while engaged in a hobby or interest then a momentary expression of enjoyment, or a brief few seconds of laughter or orgasm. Mundane tasks, like eating and dressing - these are about as enjoyable as breathing. These are just things you do, either to stay alive or it's deeply engrained in your daily routine.