Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Silent Running, I'm Autistic not Broken

"Walking with non-moving lips", would be a more apt title.
I stand on my fence, hand in pocket, hand combing hair purveying the two Vastly, Vastly different worlds.
My home, my instinctual, casual comfy place...is quiet, solitary, all encompassing, inherited, free of gadgets and others. It's my natural state of being that requires no effort, no work, no stress nor modifications to my behavior. In my world, on my planet, I am the most perfect of beings Exactly as I am. If I step one foot, one little, tiny toe into your world, outside of myself, walls and defenses leap into place and the modifiers, the censors all come online and I go to high alert, strategizing and figuring out how to get through or move around obstacle after barrier after barbed wire. I twist and I duck, I run, I leap, I dash, I throw on more armor, start sweating too much, feel faint, fall down, regroup, struggle to my knees, pray to God, and grab my lance and shield yet again.
I am so fucking tired of this shit....how I have to struggle and fight each fucking day. I'm tired. It's like there is this constant, endless game going on and I have to continually be awake, aware and move my pieces right. I'm so fucking tired of this. Head hangs, somber and contrite.
Choosing between comfort and battle...between home and hostility...go figure, which I choose.
This game does not end...not ever...just somedays my equipment works better than others or my moves are a little smoother or....or I take a bow, a powder, take care of myself...stop fighting and figuring and...some would say hide...I say self-preserve or stay comfortable. It's not a retreat.....sometimes I just want to be off the battlefield.
If I Dont compare myself to others, I do just fine. If I am not forced to interact, even better.
Since when is it wrong to just want to be what one inherently is? I'm not a defect, a disability, a needy, problem child. I am none of those things....unless I step into your world.
I am perfect...absolutely beautiful and perfection itself. But no one can see it...no one can ever see it....only me. To me, I am just right.
This is who I am, no faults, changes or tweaks required