I've always noticed that I crave holding my therapist hand. It's stymied me for years lingering in the back and forefront of my mind. I think I've finally figured out why I do this unusual behavior.
Touch validates my existence. It means that I'm real, seen, heard and someone else, in this world, is not repulsed by me.
It's really that simple.
I've often been...oh, embarrassed maybe, wondering if I'm crossing some therapeutic boundary or revealing too much of how I feel deep inside.
I'm a big, strong adult that has falsely prided myself on the fact that I need no one. I had no one and I took the initiative and stopped showing any needs, any soft underbelly or weakness because my needs weren't worthy of being met. Or they would be exploited and used against me.
I don't want to need anyone....so I'll whisper this...I do need someone to touch...so I know that I am real and that I'm okay.
I often wondered if it was the 50 years of less than adequate affection or, more likely, the supreme distance and disconnect I feel on a daily basis being autistic. Maybe that's part of it, too. It would make sense.
All I know for sure is that I need a safe therapist that allows me to touch or hold her hand at times. I recognize what I need to feel safe and heal.
Just sayin'
Touch validates my existence. It means that I'm real, seen, heard and someone else, in this world, is not repulsed by me.
It's really that simple.
I've often been...oh, embarrassed maybe, wondering if I'm crossing some therapeutic boundary or revealing too much of how I feel deep inside.
I'm a big, strong adult that has falsely prided myself on the fact that I need no one. I had no one and I took the initiative and stopped showing any needs, any soft underbelly or weakness because my needs weren't worthy of being met. Or they would be exploited and used against me.
I don't want to need anyone....so I'll whisper this...I do need someone to touch...so I know that I am real and that I'm okay.
I often wondered if it was the 50 years of less than adequate affection or, more likely, the supreme distance and disconnect I feel on a daily basis being autistic. Maybe that's part of it, too. It would make sense.
All I know for sure is that I need a safe therapist that allows me to touch or hold her hand at times. I recognize what I need to feel safe and heal.
Just sayin'
