My Biggest Regret

Aspergers syndrome definition

A developmental disorder characterized by social and emotional deficiencies [ah, but that's the key word isn't it] but accompanied by normal or above-average verbal skills and cognitive ability.

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Verbal skills- the extent to which a person can approach words, sentences, written text verbs, as well as the extent to which they can comprehend meanings, produce synonyms, antonyms, know the meaning and use of words...

A second definition of verbal skills:

Written communication 

Oral communication 

Nonverbal and visual communication 

Active listening

Contextual communication 

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Ah, no. I do not possess normal or above-average verbal skills.

I use words well and have an above average vocabulary but my comprehension and communication of words is subpar.

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Cognitive ability definition [because I wasn't sure what this meant]- general mental capability involving reasoning, problem solving, planning, abstract thinking, complex idea comprehension and learning from experience. 

My cognitive ability is poor.

Definitions

Dictionaries 

Used to be, far ago, that I thought if I could read and memorize words that maybe I wouldn't be so confused and understand the chaos around me.

Plus, I love Dictionaries and the clarity they offer.

Parties

Watching another unfortunate show on tv in which people are engaged in a dinner party. I hit the mute button and walk away. This has zero relevance in my life, now and forever.

I will never understand the appeal of people congregating, telling stories and engaging in the sharing of food and drink. Looks like Hell and punishment to me.

I've given up watching my once beloved NFL football. I witnessed a gruesome head injury and I feel scarred. I have no need to be witness to any more pain. My own suffices.

Maybe there is no longer a need for televised entertainment and time passing with loud box on. 

Can't seem to find any value in watching other lives that stymie, perplex and confuse me. Those are neurotypical lives with which I share no commonality. 

I'm not lost. I'm set apart. I'm different. I cannot relate and I have no interesting in trying to conform into something I am not. It is not my nature.

I run free.

To be who I am, I need to be alone, unencumbered and unridiculed.

These people around me, on tv, in the movies. They offer me nothing but confusion and disinterest.