Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Fun Lyme disease facts have got to be kidding me!
In 2009, the last year of completed statistics, in my home state of Michigan, according to the CDC, there were...81... Reported cases of Lyme the Entire State!
The odds of getting the disease is 1 in 18,100
If I had removed bad boy tick within the first twenty four hours, I'd probably not have the disease.
70-80 % of affected individuals, have a tell-tale bullseye rash. I fell in to the 30% with no rash.
I think I should start buying lottery tickets.
Sometimes...all afternoon, really, I think You are Fucking Kidding Me!

Friday, June 29, 2012

Lyme Disease...hmm, that explains things...but really?

I saw my doctor this Tuesday, a few days ago. I hadn't been feeling right. All my glands/ lymph nodes had swollen. I suddenly came down with some painful arthritis in my knees and other joints. I never get headaches, but I was getting them with frequency. I was tired a lot! Even in the morning, when I knew I was supposed to be up, I could barely drag my self out of bed. Everything hurt, ached and was sore.
So my Nurse Practitioner ordered some blood work. The test results came back today. She said I tested positive for Lyme Disease. Honestly, I know very little about Lyme. Seems there are some horror stories out there but most cases resolve completely, especially when diagnosed early, as mine was.
I pulled a tick off my belly about three to four weeks ago. I did not get the common ( in 70-80%) red ring rash.
I now know two people who had Lyme and they both fully recovered.
Please don't leave comments of fear or horror or worst case scenarios.
I started a three week course of antibiotics. I will be feeling better quite soon. I'm just really tired and want to get some rest.
Even with not feeling well, I have been quite busy and productive. I continued to get things/ chores done in and around the house. I pushed myself and kept telling myself, "Yeah, I don't feel well, but I can get this done...or I can fold clothes for five minutes and take a break." I don't quit and nothing can keep me down.
My body is a fighting machine. This is just a little piddley thingy compared to other stuff I have endured and triumphed over.
Maybe I was too busy this summer. It's just time to slow down a bit and take a well deserved, short break:)
Be Well, Smile:), Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Beautiful Audio and Video of the Tufted Titmouse

I tricked a tufted titmouse to come near by playing her song off my iPad. You hear two birds, as one is the computer.
Boy, this birdie looks so confused.
I was thrilled birdie came so close! To see him sing! Such a clear picture! Love it!!

Who do you tell that you have Aspergers?

I only found out about my Aspergers in the past five years or so. The most important people, that I shared my diagnosis with were:
My Partner of 18 years. She doesn't always understand or comprehend my challenges, but she is willing to learn and listen.
My children. As my Eldest is the one whose formal testing enlightened our family into the whole realm of Autusm Aspergers, I readily shared my Aspergers. My youngest, at eight years old, understands that momma has autism and that sometimes she has difficulty with social situations, being unable to verbalize and sometimes needs a lot of rest.
The rest of my extended family, parents, siblings and such, I am rather estranged from. They have heard it probably through the grapevine. Due to the lack if closeness, it didn't matter to me whether they knew or not.

My doctor/ nurse practitioner Needed to know. My autism causes me to have great difficulty relaying symptoms and putting words to how my body feels. I am forgetful. I am very sensitive to meds, so we often start with children's size doses. I sometimes have a delay in processing her questions, so she gives me time to answer. I audibly process slowly, at times, and I need things, instructions spoken repeatedly or even better, written down. Having a practitioner who understands my autism and it's challenges is vitally important.

Health Care Providers can help me more effectively, is they are aware of my autism. I talked to my optometrist, who doesn't think I look like Rainman, but he listens. It's important that he knows because with my eye exam, he asks multiple questions and I have that delay in understanding thingy going on. I frequently ask him to repeat his questions, often more than is this clearer or this? As he flips lenses.

Employers...I don't have an opinion on this topic, as I work for no one but myself. Each and every nt can be different in their understandings and opinions of an autistic employee.

At school. My grade school sons teachers need to know about my Aspergers. My slightly physically different, Younglink, requires me to interact and problem solve with his teachers due to his physical difference and....hmm, high energy nature. I feel it important that the teachers know that I'm not going to be the classroom volunteer mom...for anything. But I am always available to meet and talk about my son in the classroom.

My friends and neighbors. I like that they know because I have moments of high stress in which my autism sometimes breaks out. Nope, I'm not a drug addict in withdrawal and no, I don't have alcohol or psychiatric issues. It makes my life easier and it's easier to be me, walking around my yard, talking to myself and pointing to "fairies" in the air, at times.

This is my list of people who I am Glad know about my autism:)

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Learning to accept a kindness

I don't know if accepting and receiving a kindness, hand up or love comes naturally or not. Logic tells me that it is probably a necessary survival skill. But I heartily refused. I really haven't known how to accept and receive. See, in my dysfunctional family, and maybe with my autism, I learned that a kindness, in word or deed, was nothing more than an open and holding a small sharp knife.
If someone was nice to me, they wanted something. If there was a compliment, well, they only said that because they wanted one back or it was said to trick me. I had not a lot of trust or faith in those people's around me. I'm not being paranoid as I had ample examples and dozens of experiences to prove my distrust.
Hmm, so I never learned or found the mechanism that says, " I am being nice to you because you are a nice person, and I like you". I rarely found anyone genuine, who wanted to give to me, that didn't want something back. Scoundrels!
Now, in my forties, I am trying to learn this new thingy called accepting and receiving. Methinks my soul tells me that I was born into a world aflush with an abundance of love, kindness, energy and prosperity.
Hard to silence the mistrust, the experiences, the sinisters I mingles with for so long. It's difficult to change that visual of the open and concealing a weapon. Changing this old, deeply ingrained thought pattern is quite the challenge, I kid you not.
I believe life actually has some positives that it freely gives. I will e exploring this further.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Sinking Ships, friendships, relationships

If time and repitition are any indication, I sink ships, friend ships, relation ships, by opening my mouth and pouring forth truth. Things are very...different in my aspieworld, but I will surely tell you how I feel when need be. I don't believe in lies, half truths or sins of omission, which I believe are overly used and practiced in the outside. People grow up believing in hiding and holding everything in.
Well, I surely don't. But people frequently, can't handle what I say. My words, like my emotions, like who I am, are intense and highly charged.
I don't even know why I'm writing this...not sure where I am as of late. Shivering in a cloud of worry, senseless, unable to decide whether to walk in to the flames, ignore the heat or put it out.
Sometimes there is no such thing as free will. Times I think it would be most ideal to live alone, completely unplugged and disconnected.
Sometimes truth Is sad....she says as she realizes her recent happy respite was not reality and just a a small ray of sunshine in the ever present storm.
God sometimes I hate this life, this corner that I live in. I hate the feeling of being a child standing in times square during rush hour. Hate the lostness, out of place, invisible singularity feeling where to speak up would hurt someone else whilst I drown with the stone life jacket wrapped tightly round my neck.
Hate the return on anxiety, that little beastie that has completely disappeared only to return a small, constantly roaring lion cub that has grown in size, strength and ferocity right before my very eyes.the never ending growling of snake like shivers and quavers of fear and uncertainty. My temple of peace, she be shaking and I, I stand, hands in pocket, eyes cast downward....unable to decide...what to do. Been here before, hated it then also.
I got lost again. I strayed from the plateau, the pleasant valley...not sure when or if I can ever find my way back there.


It doesn't matter who is beside me, when I walk I only hear my own footsteps

Thursday, June 21, 2012's always going to be a roller coaster

I guess it's always going to be like this..small intervals of calm and happiness in betwixt times of everyday, stress of an Aspie existence fighting amongst the nt world. That's a depressing thought. It's like I have been on the ideal summer vacation and school starts up next week.
I want to shut all the doors and windows in a feeble attempt to eliminate this struggling strife. Really, I had no idea my mood could shift so quickly and in the opposite direction. Now I'm just whining.
I keep having to tell myself, trying to convince me, that not wanting to go isn't being bad. I'm not resisting because I'm selfish, rude or mean spirited....I just really don't want to put myself through the unnerving stress of such a gauntlet. When you see the flood waters rising, do you not head for high ground? Damn, I struggle here. This is so suddenly so upsetting. To write about something, yet again brings to surface all that I have held submerged, and held under foot, pushing it deep into the sand, denying it was there.
I stand with fists clenched together, gritting teeth.
I don't even leave for a week but I've already cut my feet on this razors edge.
Somehow have to find a way back away from this edge, back to a more comfortable spot, plateau. I have been in this position, prepping to go to places I dread, before. Didn't like it then, surely don't like it now.
Whine, whine and more whine. Yup, feeling sorry for myself. Trying to figure it all out. Venting frustration. Writing about that which I dare not say too loudly or at all. Invalidating my self, again. My thoughts and feelings Do matter, but so do those of peoples I care for.
No win, no win, no way

Wednesday, June 20, 2012


The seashells are mostly from our vacation in North Carolina a number of years back. Lots of hot glue, minor burns, glass beads, buttons and other pretties...for the garden or the home


This is a clay pot that is about 18 inches tall.

I finally have the big computer up and running. Time to upload some photos of the art I have been creating...

This started out as a rock, plain and simple. Its about seven inches by, maybe four and a half. I used hot glue, glass beads and baubles.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Art is my Life

Well, arting, creating, finding and caring for Younglink and Partner, in addition to passionate gardening, lawn care with a minor in friendly socialization.

The aforementioned have been my constant source of pleasure and joy.

I've befriended a hot glue gun...we be going steady for hours on end. However, there have been a number of "incidents" in which we were much too close. Here's the thing about hot glue guns.....if you have a some point, it will bark. Using a hot glue gun, one will get burned. Last night, I was using the hot glue gun the dumbwrong way. Some nasty burns have taught me to use it, the smart way. That, plus I need a new aloe plant. I went out and bought some healing burn cream, as I realize that it be a requirement to have it on hand...pun intended.

Anyway, my life is at a happy plateau....just wanted to :)

Original photo A.M. Murphy

Monday, June 11, 2012

Bare feet and Dirty Knees

My knees were dirty today. Anyone who knows me is well aware that the venture into summer and the "wearing of the shorts" is no mundane adventure. I rarely wear shorts. Last year, I think, was the first time that I wore them three or four times all season.

I actually had to go to the store and buy shorts, as I had none in my clothing closet. I am no fan of trying on clothes in stores. Used to be I felt it was time consuming, anxiety ridden and awkward. Now I realize that it is just something that needs doing. So I grabbed a few pairs off the shelf, took a number of deep breaths, slowed my self down and entered the dressing room.

I bought two pair. When I returned to the house, I further walked into unfamiliar territory, outside my zone of comfort, and changed into a pair Without even washing them first. Bold? Stupid? I was just plain hot.

Thus my story of why I am wearing dirty kneeS. I haven't even washed them off, don't plan to, it's a badge of courage:)

The other item of new adventures....I decided to walk barefoot allll the way around the yard, down the driveway and into the street. Rarely can I be found sans socks, much less minus me shoes. It felt incredibly strange. Grass is moist....kinda sticky. I could feel the very uneven texture of the lawn, the little divots here and there, along with remnants of buried acorns. Moss, plain dirt, thick and thin grass, all had a certain feel.

I walk very slow, as if on brand new, uncertain footing...only because it is a virginal experience for me. It's like buying new feet and a thousand new neurons. Oh, the feel of it all. The driveway was exceptionally rough and into the street, well, I was even slower as the loose pebbles poked, prodded and threw me off.

I can only imagine how strange I look to others, walking on these brand new feet. Too early to tell if I like it, but it seemed to be the right thing for me to do....experiencing the ground. Must process all the odd and strange sensations.

I'm doing a little work, putting some effort into being outside the box...trying new things:)

Friday, June 8, 2012

What Happiness Feels Like

No, you haven't come to the wrong blog.

Happiness feels like standing on a lushly grassy knoll, overlooking the flowering valley and the thatched-roofed cottages with small whisps of plushy smoke far below. The sky is the lightest, fairest of sunny blues with hints of clouds in the distance. It is perfectly warm with a casual breeze. My arms at my sides, fingers splayed, palms wide open facing forward. I wear my untucked paint shirt, jeans and stocking feet...still not used to that whole "barefooted" thingy.

My eyes are radiant, my heart filled with love and passion, my body warm, inviting and all mine.

My thoughts, ideas and feelings are my own. I carry a mental list of the various projects, steps, inventory and store list. All around my immediate self, I glow the prettiest of soft pinks.

I take off my dangerously, I feel the earth.

I am calm. I can hear and smell the ocean in the distance...not a storm in sight...clear skies:)