Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Friday, July 13, 2018

10 Months Old Autistic Me, painting

As Above As Below, the latest painting

2" x 2" acrylic on wood

Child Prostitute..the latest

I'm continually surprised by new revelations in therapy. This whole being a child prostitute for my dad and his cohorts is still pretty new, discovered in only the past year or so. It seems that there were two groups that we would frequent and were actively part of.
I had no idea. That a parent would subject a child to that, for money and, And, because I know this was so important to him, for the prestige.
I made a good deal of money for him. Its kind of odd that mother never questioned him about it. You know, those evenings or days dad and I would go out together and come home with money or bags of groceries.
The other aspect that gets me is how often I was drugged either with medication or alcohol during these outings. I mean, exposing a child frequently to drugs and alcohol can't have been in my best interest, but it helped me tolerate it, made the time pass more quickly, made it easier to forget.
These are the current memories which are surfacing and being dealt with.
It's pretty amazing how much the mind can hold onto and hide.
I didn't think that there were that many men that would do easily engage in such an activity. A lot to think about.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

An Incredible New Painting

Bloodstream
12" x 12"
Acrylic on wood

I don't like to shower

It's finally dawned on me that I shower much less than most. All things considered, I average about 1 shower every week or two. It got me thinking. Why is this seemingly normal and mainstream thingy, showering, such a hardship for Aspie me? Here goes:
Not showering tends to keep people away. Just sayin'. I'm not looking for anyone to randomly start chatting with me at length; not looking for a date or to listen to someone else's issues. It helps make people leave me alone.
Ha, personal space. It does allow me a great amount of personal space. People aren't drawn to me and that is often a good thing. Almost like a layer of weird, smelly armor, you know?
It's time consuming. I have to stop everything else that I am doing. I have to stop my wanderlust, daydreaming and incessant thinking. It's a distraction.
I have to plan the shower. What am I going to change into?
I need to check the time so that my hair gets dry before I go to bed.
I make sure the front door is locked.
The bath towel is hung over the shower rod so that I can easily reach it to dry my face. I use it frequently to dry my face soon after it gets splashed. I double dry if I think I have any hair product erroneously came near my eyes. I use the towel, also, to get any stray water that has egregiously made it into my ears. Don't like it.
I've been in this new apartment about a year now. The tub drain is this crazy "toe tap" thingy whereby you push down on the stopped to close and then push again for the drain to open. It's a bit of a crazy, newfangled strange thingy that still makes me stop, think and give it the stink eye. it does boggle my brain to no end.
There is this whole getting naked thing. Not crazy about it. Showering is the only time I ever get completely naked. Naked always has felt highly vulnerable and I avoid it as much as possible.
I fiddle with the water temperature to make sure it is as close to right as possible.
Once in the tub, double check the shower curtain to make sure the openings are covered. Don't want to get water on the floor.
Next, I'm required to get completely wet. Sensory Overload to the max. I swear, I can feel each and every droplet of the thousand drop deluge. I'm not used to the touch, the feel of water on my skin, In So Many Places. Honestly, I think Sensory Overload is my biggest reason for taking so few showers.
In the shower each step is planned: wet hair, shampoo, rinse, conditioner, apply soap to various body areas, rinse thoroughly.
The sound of the shower is really kind of loud. I mean, you can't hear anything outside of it. Can't hear if the phone rings or someone's at the door, or if someone is calling for you. It's a closed and highly contained environment. It's like I have to voluntarily cut myself off from the rest of the world to get washed up.
I have to measure out the correct amount of shampoo and conditioner. It's like I have a specific formula for what works. I can't automatically just dispel the stuff like some do. Every single thought out, preapproved and followed through. Any deviation, accidently dispersing too much shampoo for instance, kind upsets me; it throws me off.
Oh, and eyes are to be tightly shut with all the hair stuff. At least a half dozen times, as I've applied the shampoo or conditioner, a stray hair full of goo has gotten loose and struck me in the eye. Getting shampoo or conditioner in eyes is a very big thing that I consciously work to avoid each shower.
I have to double and triple check that I get all the hair goop rinsed out, especially from behind the ears. That's where it seems to hide the easiest.
I make sure I can feel that all the soap has been rinsed off completely as well.
End of shower, I kind of rush out. I don't take the time to dry each and every body part. Rather, it's hard for me to slow down enough to do that appropriately. I'm usually half wet.
I remember that I have always had difficulty drying off. For some reason, up until high school, I just didn't towel off. it didn't make sense in my head for some reason, Or I didn't like the brisk, bristly feel of the towel. Oh, I guess I thought that toweling off would make me colder faster. Cause I remember my friend in high school asking me why I didn't dry off after my shower in gym. I did tell her that I thought it would make me cold. She said it was just the opposite. From thenceforth, I tried her method, toweling off and found that she was indeed correct. I just didn't know any better.
Showering is such a big disruption for me. It's interesting to finally write down some of the reasons I've always found it to be such a bother.

Friday, June 29, 2018

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Sometimes I feel like an insolent child

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend of mine. It went like this.
Me: I need to be more grounded.
Friend: Lay down in the grass
Me: (on the inside...ICK) the last time I did that I picked up a tick. Lyme disease sucks.
Friend: Go barefoot
Me: (Ick) tried that...sensory overload.
Friend: go barefoot at home
Me: (hesitantly. OMG, she wants me to break routine and try something new.) I might be able to do that.
I felt like a disagreeable child who just poo-pooed anything that wasn't my own idea. Lol. Explaining my Autism is the only way others will understand. I don't mind.