Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Wear & Tear of Everyday Frustrations

One of the many reasons I blog is in an attempt to portray the differences that some of us with Aspergers face on a day-to-day basis. Dang, we look so normal, but under the surface...Well, you get on
Here is an example of a relatively minor annoyance that shoved me into a state of befuddlement lasting the rest of the evening.
I agreed to "Cook" dinner last night and be the I asked my partner what she wanted me to pick up from Taco Bell. She told me a "chalupa". So I drive over to the restaurant drive thru and order, the chalupa.
The disembodied voice speaks crass and cold, "beef, chicken or steak?"
Ohh, this isn't on my list. But I can guess pretty good having been with my partner for 16 years now.
"Supreme, Spicy or..mazaratti?" (okay, I made that last word up because my mind had fallen into that familiar blank state where it refuses to acknowledge or take in any information due to mass neurological firings and misfirings. Yeah, missiles going off in all directions...Now What?) This was so not on my list.
Ummmmm...think Murph, think quick before the guy behind you starts yelling for his double mega burrito supremes...I could call her..I have my phone...and how stupid would That look?
"Ok, ummm, forget about 2 bean burritos?" Score one me, I know she likes those.
So, I got my order and then remember that she asked for nachos.....To turn around and place another order? Or endure the wrath of returning home without the beloved nachos? I'll pick the latter...I know her and her probable reaction.
Thus, I returnth and blurt/ state my case before i am even fully in the door. Of course, all is forgiven. And I mull about in the frustration and try and destress the rest of the evening.
I know, I know, no big deal. The average neuro-typical would have griped for a few minutes and moved on. This Aspie had to replay the dramatic scene over and over and over and try and plan a better strategy to deal with it if it were ever to happen again.
These type of small, disquieting incidents throw me off my game and are quite stressful.
Speaking of stress and the neuro-typical...yeah, its one thing to whine and complain about a problem, the better question is what do I do about it? This Neuro-Typ hell? My answer is to try and stay calm and avoid as much interaction with them as is Aspianly possible. I will continue to interact with my friends, and will attempt to keep the stressors at a minimum. I'll see if that can work. I don't have any other answers or ideas.
At some point, I will regain my quiet, calm, predictable little world where my greatest joys are solitude and hugging my sons. Gone will be the phone calls from lawyers, the struggles at normalacy and appearing functional, the daily verbal interactions and subsequent misunderstandings...I long for some some point

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Me and Blare...Sound, Overstimulation, Ahhh

I have noticed a dramatic increase in the amount of time I spend with Blare. Blare is the affectionate term for music turned up really, really loudly so that windows shake and floors vibrate.
Believe it or not, there is a sound (LOL) reason for this atypical behaviour. I don't remember it exactly, but, at massage school they taught us that one of the reasons massage works when people are in pain is due to the overstimulation of the sympathetic or parasympathetic nervous system. When the right one gets overloaded, the nervous system automatically calms down. They called it the gateway effect or some such thing.
Its like if a million neurons are going in all different directions and someone stands at the top of the peak and blows a whistle really loud...everyone falls in line and simmers down.
Blare leads to calm...and i like calm..a whole lot. Its a self-soothing mechanism that actually works for this Aspie.
Its me...I'm a certified massage therapist...I know this.
Yeah, Blare and me...we got a thing going on

Friday, October 8, 2010

My Doctor Thinks....

In one of my many...medical journeys this past week, a doctor remarked that it appeared I was coming down with rosacea, a common skin condition in which the forehead and cheeks take on a ruddy, reddish complexion.
At the time I agreed that it was possible and would pursue it further with my family doctor if need be...
Well, it must have taken me 3-4 hours to realize that my forehead was excessively red because I routinely rub the area in question as a self-soothing mannerism when I am stressed. Yeah, its been that kind of week.
I had to smile

More Ways Neuro-Typicals Torture Us

I keep reminding myself that, yes, I know I am an alien in their world...but, they are so darn good at making my life miserable with their circus-like antics and I simply must file yet another report on it.
Some neuro-typicals (nt) have a tendency to talk way too much and they don't know when to stop. At this stage, in my game, I no longer put up with it. I will either a)put my hands in the "time-out" position (its like a T) and walk out of the room. b) I will roll my eyes and throw up my hands and start sputtering. c) I will find a very vague excuse to leave the room. d) I will verbally clue them to move on.
Enough already. My tolerance for incessant chatter has long flown out the window along with my patience.

The other thing, some nts do....they ask vague open-ended questions or try squeezing three questions into one and like, expect me to try and figure it all out.
Clue for the nt...ask one very specific question at a time...not a biggie here, folks.
I try and remember that as a species, the nts tend to throw words around without much regard so is it so much to ask that they put a little bit of thought into their inquiries? I think not
The world of the nt is quite vague and tough to navigate. I like things clear and easy to understand, literally.
As I have to suddenly work with a variety of nts on an almost daily basis, their flaws and my Aspergian thinking seem to clash and misunderstandings are commonplace.
I long for simple clarity and a meeting of the minds. Gosh, I happen to enjoy conversations when they are productive and comprehensible.
The only thing that is clear, these days, is how very different our two species are

Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Aloneness...... Aspergers Syndrome and Loneliness

If there is one thing, that I believe a person with aspergers understands much more than the standard neuro-typical it is the intense feeling of aloneness. And maybe, hopefully, I am wrong and some aspies do not experience the brevity and depth of what it feels like to know that no matter where or with whom, you are flying solo.
Eldest and I have discussed this issue at length....we know that we are born alone and have a deep understanding of it.
Aspergers Syndrome is a disassociate state of being...always one step removed from reality
Anyway, this is the beginning of my photo essay album...I miss you