Saturday, November 23, 2024

Today was a day to forage

It's a Saturday. 
Another in a string of listlessly chilled and rain soaked days joined end by end forming a week of same.
I awoke with an idea to create and build my first Oregon metal hanging mobile.
I watched a few online videos for refresher and ideas until the serious want of spaghetti overwhelmed and dulled all other ideas and senses.
I had the strong spaghetti thought yesterday on my return trip from visiting a lumberjack new friend in Eugene. 
I dismissed the thought thinking it would abate and drown in some dark corner, recess of my large and spacious mind.
Failure.
The morning simply reawakened and strengthened the idea.
I hadn't cooked spaghetti in months, probably over two years.
What suddenly, irrevocably possessed me to the point of cravings so strong they could not be ignored?
Seasonal change? The stage of the moon?
A long lost childhood memory of the rare decent, tasty meals?
I ended up going to three different stores because spaghetti ingredients reminded me of the beef brat on a bun idea, I also had this week.
A simple trip for four ingredients, a mushroom, burger, spaghetti sauce and pasta turned into a 40 dollar foray of forage. 
I cooked spaghetti squash, too, after about 5 minutes of standing in the vegetable aisle working to ascertain whether to buy one or not. They aren't cheap at about 5 dollars apiece.
It's 530pm. I cooked and prepared my meals for today and further days this week are nestled in the freezer.
Some days, it's all about hunting and gathering and preparing.

Wednesday, November 6, 2024

I am just a nothing

Unwanted
Unwarranted
Unloved
If I fell in the forest
The leaves and roots
Would reclaim me
Before anyone noticed
I am nobody
To come home to
To hug
To smile at
To look forward to
I am awash in
Anonymity 
And disconnect
Few distant 
Relationships
Nothing close
No one close
At my side
Sitting next to me
Across the table
Alongside the
Sidewalk
The Aloneness 
Of months and years,
Knowing my future
Months and years
Will be more of the same.
She stood invisible
In heavy traffic
No one noticed
She had stepped
In the road
Or cared
That she did
She was nobody
A nobody
Insignificant 
Of No importance 
To any one
But her self
And then
She stopped
Caring
About herself.
The nobody
Had no one
And they call it life
Even when it is filled to the brim
With pain
Radiating
Exploding
Unceasing
Bringing her to her knees
Unnamed
From places and
Circumstances unknown
She was consumed
By the pain...
...
...
...
And she
In her extreme Aloneness 
And agonizing pain
Wrote this...
Maybe someone will hear
And know she is there
And can understand 
How deeply she suffers 
In her silence
In her dark
Little corner...
...
No one looks for her
No one misses her
No one hugs her
No one wants to be by her
No one tells her
I miss you
I love you
I'm happy to see you...
She is very sad
Nobody is very very sad
😔