Underneath poetry

Underneath......Poetry

I am layered and faceted
Covered in veils and dust
Hidden deep within
The cavern of my self
Not sure I'd recognize
Who I really am
Afraid
To show, to see
To let on

I am wool and blankets
Armor and steel
Running water
Hot, cold, steaming, still
Who am I really
Scared
To reach out, touch
Show you me

I am temperance and rage
The bullied and the beast
Howling pain
What I feel
Forlorn
Hurt and alone
True

I am lost
Somewhere
Deep within
Beneath layer of rock, mortar and whim

 I am a mirror that repels
I am the truth that hurts and reminds
Killing denial sharply to the bone

I am the wisdom
You dare not seek
I am the nightmare
That walks in daylight
 Look away
Look away

I hide from myself
I hide from you
 I hide from masses
I am unlike you

I'm not who you think
Imagine or cajole

I wear an honest shirt
Under shields of grey

My past lives within
Seeking an open door
A cracked window
Putty that has come loose

My shackles bind
The ropes entwined
Weights of doubt
Drown and submerged

The table is set
No one comes to feast
Only observe
The linen
Stained
The bread
Stale
The wine
Spilt

Alone
In the house
Walls echo
Weep and bleed

The clock frozen
Upon
Her face
Arms and chest

Floors creak
Unable to bear
The weight
Of the silence
Of her years

The sofa unsat
A bed unmade
Slippers unused
The bathrobe hangs
On the floor

Untouched
Untethered
What's the difference
Tween a rock
And a soft place

White snowflakes
Hiding mounds of dirt
Break the shovel
Look away
Search not
Accept that the mountain
Will not yield
Undeserving of contemplation
Or to be climbed
Removed
Or melted

She wept
As the snow piled high
Caved in
From the sun

Gift Giving and Everyday Life

I miss having family and friends to give gifts to. No longer do I attend family holidays, birthdays, weddingsm graduations and get togethers. I miss giving gifts. I enjoy making things for people and sharing my creativity and resources. I like the smile on a gift receivers face. I like making people smile and happy with just a small, thoughtful surprise. I missed the whole gift giving experience and everything that it entailed and meant to me. So, I found a valid substitute. I discovered a way to give unconditional gifts to people I know, acquainted with, admire and like.
 I started a face book campaign. I notified all my fb friends that at some point this year, when they least expect it and for no specific reason, I will send them each a small gift. Yesterday, I just felt really bad. Oh, it was a long, trying day marked with pain, tears and revelations. I figured it was the perfect day to start gift giving. So I stopped at the flower store and ordered a very small, brightly colerd arrangement to be delivered to a fb friend in town. Sure enough, I felt better almost immediately. Giving, brightening someone's day, makes me feel good about myself and lifts my spirits. If you get right down to it, its almost selfish in that I benefit greatly by giving.
  I've already got plans for another friend gift tomorrow, in addition to having two semi-concrete ideas of gifts I can make. I'm excited. I have purpose. I'm reaching out and saying, "I like you" to people on the periphery of my life. I travel no social circles outside of online interactions.
I'm happy I started this gift project. It engages my mind and helps me feel....well, somewhat connected.
 Other news, I've been quite busy with multiple appointments this week. I prefer one appointment due to the stress they cause, but this week is mostly days of duets, two appointments or have-to-dos each at. Yesterday it was my family doctor in the morning, a visit to the medical supply store and afternoon therapy. Today, I drove my son to the bus, mailed a package at the post office, picked up needed supples from the craft store and had to exchange meds at the Kmart because they filled my prescription wrong.
 I received my new, soft, neck/ cervical collar. Boy, I'm really liking the feel of support and gentle traction for my beleaguered neck. Hoping it will assist me in getting some decent, pain free sleep. I heard from the local physical therapy department. Later this week I go for an hour and a half assessment. I'm optimist the phsical therapy will help me keep and maybe gain some arm and upper body strength. My arms are weak from months of non-use to my neck issues.
 With my neck collar on today, I was actually able to send ten-fifteen minutes working on my art! Creating is another important aspect of my life that makes me feel good inside and out. Hmmmm, I keep writing about words like "happy, like, enjoy"...that's kinda new. I like it.
 So, more appointments this week. My neck s feeling better with the collar and meds. Both appointments with my doctor and therapist went very well. I'm getting a positive kick from my gift campaign and art....seems a lot of pretty darn positive things are going on. My mood is shifting and lifting.
 Just had to share some good good stuff!
 Be well:)

Creating a Moral Society

I've often thought that in an effort to lower prison population, make a dent in alcohol and substance abuse, reduce the numbers of rape and childhoods abuse, that every child, every year, every day, should take a class at school entitled "Morals and Ethics, What is Right and What is Wrong."
Unfortunately, many children grow up with no knowledge of what is right or wrong. When mommy drinks herself to oblivion every night, when dad beats the kids and cheats on his taxes, when uncle John brags about his time in jail, children receive mixed messages. They can't see through the fog of family dysfunction enough to know how to behave or be a good citizen. They don't learn how to humanely treat themselves, other people or even animals.
Children learn what they experience. When there are no positive role models or good behavior to be found, children grow up imitating their parents, whether bad, ugly or indifferent.
Parochial and Christian schools have always been a huge step ahead, in that they teach kids right from wrong and the Golden Rule. They call those daily classes "Religion", but they are so much more than just learning about God. Students learn that somebody, some Deity actually loves them. They learn how to treat one another. They learn to find value in themselves and learn tools to become caring adults.
Our public schools, our dedicated teachers are horribly overburdened, but I can't help but wonder if one hour a day of morals and ethics would be worth shortening Math and English class. Teachers are already role models just by their daily presence in our children's life. How many of us can easily remember a teacher we idolized or thought highly of, to this day, because of their compassion and wisdom, their humor or the way they helped us?


Don't get me wrong, in a perfect society each parent would instill good and appropriate virtues in their own children. It should not fall onto schools to teach right from wrong....but I truly believe that it is the only possible way that we can change society from the bottom up. In a perfect world kindness and positive role models would abound.
This is nothing but a pipe dream post. I know families who do nothing but repeat cycles of violence, substance abuse and criminality. These children have little hope of ever breaking free.
I know many teachers whom I admire for their patience, knowledge and values. They are all underpaid, overworked and some of the most caring professionals that I have ever met. I have great admiration for teachers. The burden of teaching morals and values should not fall onto their already burgeoning shoulders. It should fall onto parents, extended families, churches and youth groups...in a perfect world.
I am grasping at straws. I see the moral decay. I read about people that think it's okay to lie, cheat, steal, hit, rape because it is all they knew at home.
I fantasize about solutions. I dream that I can make the world, or at least my little corner of it, a better, kinder place.
I know....it's just a dream.
My crazed, optimistic, impossible solution to what plagues us.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

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