The Somnambulist

Painting by John Millais

I've been having great difficulty falling asleep before 4 am. My body exhibits all the symptoms of tiredness and lethargy, yet my mind is as agile as a Spring day.

I tend to wander about the house. Is it frustration? Am I searching or in need of something, someone, a certain word or feeling?

Am I finding no peace, unsettled with myself?  Am I trying to solve a mystery?

I tend to snack frequently and food tastes better in the dark...well, chocolate does anyway.

I feel no fear, nothing scary going on. I'm restless. Tossing and turning to the point where I throw myself off the couch and pace and wander...hoping to calm my active, racing mind.

I feel unobssessed. Nothing particular is bothering me. Oh, I replay therapy, scenarios, art projects. Mostly I'm challenged to slow down and still myself, inside.

Nothing going on...above the surface...but I'm thirsty, I want something and I have no idea what that something is.

I'm not quite comfortable to sleep, like I'm displaced. Maybe I'm just distressed in some subconscious way. Maybe I'm fitting pieces together from opposing sides. Maybe I'm feeding a very old and distant hunger.

I replay therapy because it's this homey, strange place where I'm me and the things said and done are worthy of replaying over and over and over so I comprehend. Therapy and dreams are the only places where I'm heard, it makes sense, and I am free to be me...well, those places and nightime, that is.

It's safe at night. Maybe I simply need more of that freedom right now.

No Tyme for Lyme, new treatment

https://youtu.be/Eg05SFRGZFQ
So, I've started a new protocol in addition to antibiotics, supplements, Bee Venom Therapy BVT and acupuncture.
No Tyme for Lyme, check out the video, is a homeopathic product that works by changing cell signaling and pathways. It's hard to describe. I watched the video, asked questions in my BVT group and decided to try it.
Speaking of BVT groups, there are a couple on fb. I was in both but became disenamored with an All Caps, seriously, all her posts are egotistical and annoying all caps, administrator who demanded answers and was kinda weirdy.
Thus, I left that bad experience and like the one I am in.
The product is a light, mist spray administered under the tongue 2-3 times a day with 1-3 sprays each. Well, I started my first day with 2 sprays twice. A couple days later, I had a really bad herx and was back to being bedridden for a few days. That alone told me the spray Did something.
After a few days off of it, I started spraying once a day, only one time. The results are rather dramatic. My energy level improved! My previously numb legs starting feeling normal again And I could walk three times farther. My head cleared. I can think more productively and I'm not nearly as fatigued and sleepy.
The side effects that happened were some dizziness at first. That should have told me I was taking too much. I also have some unwanted thoughts...like my brow chakra opened too fast. I'm a bit more of an insomniac. My body unsure of what to do with this newfound, long lost energy.
It's hard to find online as its quite new.
I am not a doctor. I'm not saying take this. I'm saying it works for me and is worth looking into for my fellow sufferers.
It's early in this new avenue of treatment but I really wanted to share. I know, all to well, the desperation of having Lyme.

Some relationships be like...

Sylvia Plath in Love

 It's fascinating reading Sylvia's journals. I can readily deduce her mental states and how they vary in intensity. The first 150 pages, she writes in a deliberate, almost manic way. Reading, my mind whirls like on a roller coaster and I consciously try to slow myself down.

 Around page 150, her entire tone slows down, like heavy sighs and she languishes in relating her time with a much loved young man. She exudes peacefulness, inner longings finally satisfied. She is happy.

Lonely Haiku

How Others Treat Us

Silence is my favorite sister