Appointments of all kinds, doctors, teacher, school, therapist, all make me nervous. The worst appointments are the ones in which I have never been to the office building and havent met the person I have the appointment with.
I have one of those "worst" appointments this week. I can goggle and map search for the building, but I am clueless as to what the waiting room set-up is. I don't know where the escape routes or restrooms are. I can't even guess if the receptionist is friendly and helpful or a hardass having a really bad day.
It's so damn unknown.
Then I have to meet with the actual doctor. I goggled him, also, and have his age and education, but no picture, so I can't get a visual on who I will be dealing with. Having never seen this type of doctor before, a specialist, I am quite nervous as to what info he will want, his demeanor and expectations. When he asks a question, will I be able to come up with the appropriate answer or will I start down that long road where I give endless, nonsensical details because I don't understand what he is really asking?
My appointment is in a few days, and I've been nervous since last week.
Later this week, I meet and greet my new therapist at community mental health. I've been to the building before. It arbors many very old painful memories from when I was a client there 25 years ago. Thank god they don't keep records that long! And I have had a couple recent bad encounters there as well.
I don't know the chick I'll be working with. Yup, I googled her and found a small photo (which helps tremendously) and her education. This appointment makes me equally nervous because I'll be in a closed room with this person for about an hour, I'm uncertain of what to say. I can't really preplan conversation (I hate it when I can't preplan talks....if I know what to expect, I feel so much calmer)
or get a handle on her personality. Heck, I'm not even sure her office has a window!
It's like walking into a great unknown with shakey footing and head-in-the-fog confusion.
Even when I am scheduled to see people's offices I frequent, there can be a certain amount of butterfly nervousness. It depends on what I need to talk about, mostly. When I have to see my amity doctor about...delicate..matters, I get anxiety.
My weekly therapist visits can be anticipated with zero stress all the way up to panic depending on my state of mind and being.
Can I talk about waiting rooms? Not just any waiting rooms, but the ones that are chock full of people and that must be endured for half an hour or more. Once a week, I take my little guy to the allergist. The waiting room is akin to a walk through a busy grocery store. People fly in and out every twenty minutes and the room usually harbors between 10-15 strange and unpredictable life forms.
It's crowded. It's noisy. It's smelly and very uncomfortable. It's reminds me of being trapped in a cage.
I never know who will be there, although there is a host of "regulars". My son has a few kids his age to share video ages with. I have to keep a civil tongue and not say everything that is on my mind. One regular is my Eldests first grade teacher who scarred him for life with her anal retentive, "I hate kids because they make noise and drag in dirt" attitude. I always want to say to her, "Are you still an ass and ruining young lives in a job you are completely unsuited for?" I just think it over and over and hope she gets the message telepathically. Mean bitch. Oh, and she will not look in my direction and likes to have her friend sitting between me and her. She knows how I feel about her.
The second semi-regular is my Younglinks swim instructor who almost allowed him to drown. She always says hi and how you doing? I always want to punch her in the face or tell her to shove it up her ass.....but I don't. I just harbor more mean thoughts and keep my mouth shut lest I make a scene. Incompetent ignoramus.
Waiting rooms are highly unpredictable. My best bet is to find a safe spot to it, away from others and closest to the exit. I bring earplugs these days and just drift out the large windows.
There is a reason they make anti-anxiety meds. Appointments and waiting rooms make me nervous.
