I stepped out my door....and felt chaotic anxiety. It was all due to the weather.
My acute autistic sensitivity went into overdrive. I clamped my hands over my ears and retreated.
First off, the sound of the oak forest was positively deafening. "Hands over ears" either the real action or just the thought of doing it,.....means the sound is hurting me. It was akin to standing at an ocean shoreline, right up close and gigantic waves crashed repeatedly. Loud sounds hurt.
The second thing that bothered me was the clouds. The sky, visually, looked turbulent and chaotic. Black cloud, nimbostratus and nimbocumulus, were erratically isolated in patches of puffy white. Amongst some of the black, the sun would shine through. The sky was all wrong.
The third issue....my skin felt oscillating, varying small, unpredictable....winds. It's like the wind was constantly shifting in unpredictable patterns. My frizzy hair was tossed into multiple directions. All my sensors were being overstimulated and rapidly being flicked on and off and on and off.
Yeah, I was kinda freakin out....for no other reason then the external environment.
It reminded me of the saying, "an ill wind is blowing." It definitely made me feel unwell through and through.
I've noticed that when hurricanes or tornadoes take place in other parts of the country, and the remnants of such devastating, destructive storms makes its way up here, that I can feel....almost terror and definitely fear. It's as if the emotions the storms caused gets "caught up" and carried in the storm winds and then it travels.
If I had no access to the weather channel, I could easily tell if the approaching storm had caused destruction just by how I feel.
There are definitely days I Do Not want to go outdoors due to the atmosphere. Days it scares me, sets hairs on end and just irritates me. Today is one of those days.
Looking back at my childhood and younger years, I can't help but wonder how many times I felt disgruntled and completely out-of-sorts and didn't know why.....