Pariah Solitary Living the Autistic Life

A

pa·ri·ah

\pə-ˈrī-ə\

noun

• 1 : a member of a low caste of southern India


• 2 : one that is despised or rejected : outcast

Examples

• I felt like a pariah when I wore the wrong outfit to the dinner party

Origin: Tamil paṟaiyan, literally, drummer.

First use: 1613

Synonyms: castaway, castoff, leper, offscouring, outcast, reject

Sometimes. I wish...others knew...the solitary existence of the autistic life. The sense that one is different, indifferent, trapped behind an invisible barrier.
Pariah, avoid, go around, don't approach
Living in the bubble, small, safe, confining, self-actualization bounces off the walls, unable to leave...to venture...to partake.


The strange world...always out there...somewhere, beyond reach and comprehension.
Within, working to understand the flecks of feelings, emotions, oft only realized once they grow and loom large, overpowering.
Predators lurk, outside. Appearing as innocent as bystanders.


The separation, the barrier...never leaves....just lowers for short spells.
Pain isn't "valid" unless it can be put into words and understood by self or others....therefore we feel naught.
Confusion. Yet another tangled web, and another, and another.
Streamers, like flypaper, catch, hold
Walls ebb in, flow out, constant movement but forever there
There is no room, in here, for anyone but me....no other fool dare get so close.


Walking, numbing, the treadmill of my mind.
The only thing real is touch....sometimes even that hurts
The sensors forever searching, feelers, antennae, small hairs, reach, analyze and let go. What is it I forever seek?
Slow down, turn off, isolate, drift away. The boat has no oars, and I care not.
The running in circles Stops. The reaching out for drifting anchors Stops. The praying for rain Stops. I've learned that adrift is best.....the path of least resistance....smallest pains


I drift
I stay afloat
To escape the bubble, the glances, judgements, confines of normality, the senselessness of it all......I am


adj.
1. Existing, living, or going without others; alone: a solitary traveler. See Synonyms at alone.
2. Happening, done, or made alone: a solitary evening; solitary pursuits such as reading and sewing.
3. Remote from civilization; secluded: a solitary retreat.
4. Having no companions; lonesome or lonely.
5. Zoology Living alone or in pairs only: solitary wasps; solitary sparrows.
6. Single and set apart from others: a solitary instance of cowardice.
n. pl. sol·i·tar·ies
1. A person who lives alone; a recluse.
2. Solitary confinement.