To be honest, the thought of experiencing happiness frightens me.
I'm familiar, nay, intimate with the dank darkness that I have walked with each and every day. I know depression. Its every book and cranny. The heaviness of its feel. The musty stale smell. I know how to carry its hefty weight; how to dance and dash and hide within it.
The familiar often becomes the friend no matter how unhealthy and painful.
Change is where courage comes in.
Happiness appears as a light cloud forever out of reach. I've admired it. It looks pretty, over there. But it's so light. How could it hide me? Maybe it's weightlessness would make me feel naked, vulnerable and exposed.
The years have taught me that chasing happiness is akin to chasing rainbows. I kindof thought it was a myth.
What would that even feel like? The light, the bright, the airy and unencumbered? Surely, I cannot begin to fathom.
I wince at the thought of venturing into this brand new virginal territory of smiles and cake.
How can I explain that the thought of being happy is uncomfortable, strange and slightly bizarre?
It's like a child that has never tasted candy. Or a snail that's never felt the security of a shell.
I'm guessing the feeling would be fleeting. Why feel good for a day when all the following days are a return to darkness.
Wouldn't that be cruel then? To experience something like bliss only to have to whisked away?
It's as if I've never truly sought happiness for fear it would abandoned me and having tasted its sweet nectar I'd regret the knowledge of the absence of darkness.
To find and bathe in the light only to return to the cold seems doubly painful than never having known the light.
Yikes
I can see the issue quite clearly.
In order not to experience the thrill of victory, I've been content to stay in the place of great defeat.
Never get your hopes up and you'll never feel the whipping sting of backlashing disappointment.
I'm thinking I want to see what its like, you know, that place where sunshine and happiness dwells.
I'm sure it will feel odd and unsettling at first but maybe it will stay awhile and I'll grow used to it. I think I'm on that precipice. Happiness is closer to me than I've ever seen it.
It will take big courage to risk feeling happy, to feel completely new, odd sensations. Maybe I'll give it a go.
Yeah, the thought of happiness is scary.
I'm familiar, nay, intimate with the dank darkness that I have walked with each and every day. I know depression. Its every book and cranny. The heaviness of its feel. The musty stale smell. I know how to carry its hefty weight; how to dance and dash and hide within it.
The familiar often becomes the friend no matter how unhealthy and painful.
Change is where courage comes in.
Happiness appears as a light cloud forever out of reach. I've admired it. It looks pretty, over there. But it's so light. How could it hide me? Maybe it's weightlessness would make me feel naked, vulnerable and exposed.
The years have taught me that chasing happiness is akin to chasing rainbows. I kindof thought it was a myth.
What would that even feel like? The light, the bright, the airy and unencumbered? Surely, I cannot begin to fathom.
I wince at the thought of venturing into this brand new virginal territory of smiles and cake.
How can I explain that the thought of being happy is uncomfortable, strange and slightly bizarre?
It's like a child that has never tasted candy. Or a snail that's never felt the security of a shell.
I'm guessing the feeling would be fleeting. Why feel good for a day when all the following days are a return to darkness.
Wouldn't that be cruel then? To experience something like bliss only to have to whisked away?
It's as if I've never truly sought happiness for fear it would abandoned me and having tasted its sweet nectar I'd regret the knowledge of the absence of darkness.
To find and bathe in the light only to return to the cold seems doubly painful than never having known the light.
Yikes
I can see the issue quite clearly.
In order not to experience the thrill of victory, I've been content to stay in the place of great defeat.
Never get your hopes up and you'll never feel the whipping sting of backlashing disappointment.
I'm thinking I want to see what its like, you know, that place where sunshine and happiness dwells.
I'm sure it will feel odd and unsettling at first but maybe it will stay awhile and I'll grow used to it. I think I'm on that precipice. Happiness is closer to me than I've ever seen it.
It will take big courage to risk feeling happy, to feel completely new, odd sensations. Maybe I'll give it a go.
Yeah, the thought of happiness is scary.
