I have always shied away from speculation and future fortune telling; I dislike the aspect of goals. I can foretell tomorrow's mood as one can guess at the impending weather. I like absolutes even though few exist.
I'm reminded of the proverbial Carrot-on-a-Stick, I need to create a "carrot" so that I drag my sorry ass out of bed and have something to look forward to so that I don't languish in the Nether, Purgatory or Limbo. I'm a sailboat on the ocean and require wind so that I might raise my sail.
I have small, doable quests that I set for my self. It used to be something as simple as coffee and peanut butter toast for breakfast. It was something to look forward to. It was a direction, a reason to breathe, a handhold, my next step.
Today, my quest was a simple green Oxford shirt, large or extra large, solid color, without defect and with its signature buttoned collar point intact. I had 4 or 5 thrift stores to choose from. My Life had purpose and meaning, which may seem silly to some but I am a person without family or friends, thus these small quests are of major importance.
If I fell down and didn't get back up, no one would notice or look for me. My existence is tenuous at best so I require reason, objectives to get up in the morning, bravely leave my secure home and mingle with the oft unpleasant and loud muggles known as neurotypicals.
Last week, I ventured out in search of books on pysanky, otherwise known as the obscure art of Ukranian Egg Decorating. Pysanky aficionados are pretty rare and the few books on the subject, even rarer, but it propelled me on an adventure from bookstore to bookstore and from thrift shop to thrift shop. My quest, in a sense, failed in that I did not add a new book to my somber collection, yet I accomplished getting through a nother series of days focused and with a sense of minor anticipation.
Some people say their prayers before falling asleep at night. Me, I search for and name my next day's quest.
I did find the green Oxford I desired which surprised and greatly pleased me. The second thrift store had exactly what I desired. Life can be good especially if done in small, manageable steps.
