My youngest son is preparing to leave my home and go off to college. My mind cannot formulate all the words to accurately describe the plethora of intense emotions raging beneath my surface, thus, I am presented with visuals, pictures of how I am feeling.
Inside my head it looks like the sky is falling. I cry. I know that the pieces of sky will fall for sometime and that the sky will never ever be the same again. The Sky Is Falling.
I recall a similar visual phrase from when my older son was having some big difficulties. The phrase at that time was "All Fall Down". It meant just that. Everything has fallen, all my hopes, wishes and dreams that I had for my precious had suddenly came crashing down. Buildings crashing down, I remember that sound all the time in my head. All Fall Down. An extreme red alert for overwhelmingly sad and tragic emotions.
At night, as I explore how I am feeling, trying to put it into words, I see myself adrift in a massive ocean. I am standing in a boat with one small piece of oar and the sails are scattered at my feet. The wind has gone. I don't know which way to paddle so I stand in an empty boat, in the middle of a vast and windless ocean. Waiting. Waiting to figure out where to go next.
I think in pictures. Especially when I cannot find the words to explain how I am feeling.
Yes, the sky is still falling. But I am still standing.
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