Some Days I Have More Autism...Special Interests

Thank you, Maureen for the title! Yes, some days I am much more autistic than others.
For the better part of the last three days, I have been sorting out the Legos from the riff-raff and putting them into segregated containers so that I can more easily build/ play.
As the photo shows, I figured out a formula for said organization. The tub bottom right are still unsorted. I take a handful at a time, put them on the beige towel and sort them into one of the following subgroups.....greys, black/tan/brown (these two groups are the ones I will abscond with ;), non Legos, bionicals, Legos that are odd and don't belong...strange pieces, and then all the others, mostly red, blue, green, yellow and white. The latter will be for Younglinks use.
Oh, top right is the beginnings of my Rapa Nui/ Easter Island....map. Yup, Legos!
This is a task I have wanted to complete for quite some time...so I have been the happy little autistic, sitting on the floor, listening to Pandora and Black Eyed Peas, rocking and smiling until 3 am last night Big :)

So, how does it feel? To be more autistic?
Feels different. Like I'm me self. I'm happier, much happier. There is more of an order to things or a need to organize, categorize....right and wrong is different and more direct (some of the Legos that do not conform...ie, those of odd, unusual shapes, specialty pieces, are Wrong, with the big W.)
Um, hope Im saying this right...I have much more sensory issues. Everything is brighter, much louder(to the point where I put my "ear", noise-canceling headphones on more often for things that usually dont bother me...the vacuum, blender, etc., smells are much more intense..I went out to see my horses and the barn smelled..different. Sure, there was great familiarity, but the usual smell had three or four different "elements", characteristics to it. All the senses are more intense, thats fer sure.
Visually, it's like I'm walking a straight path and as I go I am casually picking up rocks/ bricks, simultaneously (which is odd) and placing them on the border of the path, quite casually and as a matter of course.mim not trying to keep people out, per se, rather I am more defining myself better.
When I am focused...I am Really focused. Did you ever see "Close Encounters of the Third Kind"? When The Richard Dreyfus character becomes obsessed with building the mountain, Devils Tower? He is consumed by this task so much so that he because ignorant to others around him and anything else. He even goes so far as to building the form of the Tower out of mashed potatoes at the dinner table completely oblivious to his family around him.
That kind of Focus is up and running. Nothing can sway me from my intended course.
My thoughts are quicker, sharper...I give longer textbook, informative answers to little questions.
I am plucking words from conversation, putting them in a separate space and analyzing the hell out of them.
I talk...a whole lot more, especially about what interests me. And me manner of speaking is...well...different:0 Not sure how to explain that one..but trust me, it be different:)
I am much more regimented in diet and routine. I think I'm going on at least three weeks of two meals a day of burger, spinach, cheeses and Nothing else tastes "right".
My evening, lengthy routine which was...oh, this, this and then maybe that is now A, B, C followed by a short course of specific D.
I'm having more problems finding the "right" clothes to where so I am going with my fallback monochromatic colors, because I can't pick.
I am more linear and precise.
Not sure why I am like this...but, you know what? I am okay with my autism. Funny, that rarely happens, and usually it's for short, uncomfortable bits.
Old rules don't necessarily apply and I talk about my interests and fixations with relative ease. I really like this.
Things change...who knows what tomorrow brings, but I'm enjoying today:)

Rapa Nui, Easter Island Timeline

One hallmark of Aspergers is fascination bordering on obsession with various obscure subjects. For the past week, I have been researching Rapa Nui, otherwise known as Easter Island...you know, the place with the big Moai head statues, of which there are 887 documented.
I searched the Internet for a concise, all-inclusive timeline but only found pieces here and here so I compiled, what I believe to be, one of the most conclusive Rapa Nui Timelines.

200 AD Polynesia begins to be settled
300-1100 (there is considerable debate about this approximate date) Rapa Nui is settled
1000-1600 creation of Moai statues
1500 intense island warfare, the Birdman faction rises
1550 some researchers estimate the island population peaked at 7000-10,000
1722 April 6th Dutch Admiral Jacob Roggeveen (1659-1729) arrived with three ships: Arend, Thienhoven and Afrikaansche Galey. He "named" the island Easter Island because they arrived at Rapa Nui on Easter Sunday
1770 November 15 Spanish navigator, Felipe Gonzales de Ahedo, with two Spanish ships, San Lorenzo and Santa Rosalia, visits and claims the island for Spain, renaming it "Isla deSan Carlos", ceremoniously signs a treaty of annexation, erects three wooden crosses on Poike volcano. Stays for 5 days, thoroughly surveys the coast. First probable contact with European infectious disease
1774 March 12 staying for four day, Captain of Resolution, British navigator James Cook(1728-1779) visits. Several Moai are observed toppled
1786 French navigator Jean-Francois de Galaup, Comte de LaPerouse (1741-1788) arrives with scientists and naturalists.
1805 American vessel, The Nancy visits and abducts 22 islanders
1825 British ship, Blossom visits. No Moai observed still standing
1837 first Chilean ship, the Colo Colo visits
1862 December first Peruvian slave raiders abduct half the population, 1,500 men and women, to work on the Peruvian Guano Trade
1864 January first missionary arrives from Valapariso
1866-1867 end of the Birdman cult
1867-1868 Commercial exploitation begins. French Captain Jean-Baptister Dutrou-Bornier arrives, claims lordship, bought most of the land
1867 first Christian missionary, Eugene Eyraud dies from tuberculosis along with half the population
1868 the British HMS Topaz removes two Moai statues, Hoa Hakanani'a and a smaller one and they are presented to Queen Victoria and the British museum
1877 Peruvian slave traders abduct all but 110 islanders, 36 of which have offspring. All Rapanui have descended from these 36
1878 first Catholic church constructed
1888 American warship, Mohican visits
Chile annexed the island
1914 Easter Islanders revolt
Katherine Routledge visits for an expedition, publishes first compressive book of the island, "The Mystery of Easter Island" in 1919
1916 Chilean Bishop Rafael Edwards visits, protests against the poor treatment of native islanders by the sheep farm company
1952 Chilean navy takes over administration of the island
1953 Williamson-Balfour Company sheep farm finally leaves
1955 Norwegian Thor Heyerdahl undertakes excavations
1964 Emergence of Independent Movement; revolt of Islanders
1966 Chile declares Easter Island a province
1967 airfield constructed at Mataveri; Rapa Nui connected with Santiago
1986 landing strip extended to allow Easter Island to be used as an emergency landing strip for the NASA space shuttle

So, this is one of the things that I enjoy doing

Watching People Talk...it's a visual thingy

I had a most interesting experience the other day talking with another Aspie. I watched him talk. As he spoke, it was as if there was a flat plane at about his chin level and as he spoke ...it was as if you took a matchbox car and very slowly moved it this way, to the left, turning, in a spiral, off to the right, moving, flowing, slowly, all in my minds eye. I had never seen anyone talk before, ever. There was no color to it...just light shades of grey. The plane was smooth and flat. I found it most fascinating. I very much enjoyed watching the verbaization.
Whereas, if I were to focus on my speech...if I saw it...it would be more of short bursts that go straight out for about 6 inches and quickly turns back in, toward me.
As long as we are on the subject of verbaization...I think I can read subtle changes in people's voices. Maybe it's a developed skill from having such limited eye contact. So, I was talking to a friend I hadn't seen in awhile and her voice caused me great concern. It was guarded and varied in..distantance. Even though we were in the same room, she oscillated between varying distances away from me. Reminds me of a ten foot pole. I hadn't heard that tone before with her so I wasn't sure what was up..till later on...then it made sense.
I can read voices but only for those close to me...those five or six close friends whom I have known for awhile:)
It's interesting...a very cool experience. I look forward to talking with my Aspie friend again to see if the same visuals happen.
Just wanted to share:)

So this Aspie says to this other Aspie...Conversation, Solitude, Self-Esteem

So, sometimes I am aware of my sequestered existence...especially when I actual engage someone in an hour long conversation and I am able to see things differently. You know, those almost minimalist, everyday chats that most do as a matter of course...are actually huge, arena events for me.
Conversations are not normal for me. Even an hour long event produces a plethora of old and new thoughts, various feelings and mostly, reams of insight....in addition to nervous tension, anxiety, bits of euphoria and tempered understanding.

So I met with this other Aspie... The only other one I know who is not in denial, aware of his condition and freely talks about it.
I found it very interesting. It's like, to coin an old phrase, we were very much on the same wavelength. It's like....the feel of it...is very much like finding a long lost relative...an immediate connection that is unmistakable and bright. The air changed.....it wasn't me vs him, it was an unspoken kinship....argh, still not right....it's like he walked in one door, I walked in another and we sat at the same table and wanted the same food....and we used our utensils the same way. And neither one of us was a wierdy.
A number of things struck me. One, I did kind of have to...adjust what I said. My AspieSpeak is very rusty and hasn't been used much. And it was very much like two young, impulsive, erratic teenagers getting together for lunch.
I made a number of comparisons, which .....probably jumped to a number of very biased conclusions or assumptions based on my small pool of candidates, and experiences....anyway...I marveled at his ease of verbalizing yet once again. We had meet once previously and I marveled then, too. I think my verbal abilities are quite...different and less...more of a struggle.
He never flinched..when I would get up or move around which makes me wonder how much of my physical/sexual abuse trauma reactions have carried over into my adult life or if it's where I am on the spectrum.
I liked his androgyny which is extremely similar to mine. It wasn't like he was a he and I was a she...it was just two peoples, two Aspies, two homogenous aliens. I liked the way he exhibited similar characteristics....the way he moved his hands when he talked, went off on very cool tangents and freely said what was on his mind..his irks are also my irks and such.
We are working on getting an Adult Aspie group going and I would really like to see this come to fruition. I think I would benefit by being exposed to my own kind.
Funny, my visual thinking exploded as we talked and afterwards. I thought in pictures twenty times more than I usually do...which did amaze me. So I am hoping we can get the group up and running and hang out more often. It is of benefit to me.
I'm really wondering about my low self-esteem these days and how to work that to a better state of being. My wound has finally healed. In my minds eye, I see it no more, so that is a big positive. I want to get back out to my horses but am torn between that and continuing this solitary road of self-discovery that I have fallen, face first, upon.
I have found a number of odd, little things that I like and that delight me....I love to sit on the floor and rock, stare out windows at the sky and tree tops, eat burger/ ricotta/ mozzarella heated up meals, painting and creating little cool things, engaging me spouse in small talk, big talk and banter, hanging out with little dude and discussing the virtues of various Pokemon, I like solitude but not loneliness.....I like to know someone is out there, close by, I like to hide under blankets and engage in deep, prophetic dreaming or that very cool, peaceful half-awake state where I ponder, I have about half a dozen subjects I would plum the depths of..if I had the time....just saw a show on Rapa-Nui and the Easter Island statues that was very cool, I have a book I would like to read about how not to get lost outdoors...sounds intriguing...I'm a little nervous about this Christmas trip to visit family.....ahhh, I really got into this temporary stress-free livin and likin it.
I want to keep scouring the inet for research on other Aspie groups...
I've actually been enjoying this solitude...having my own space to rest, play and catch up on sleep and dreams.
Whilst I like this new career choice of being a very good recluse...I understand all good things must come to an end....the real world don't excite me much...not much at all...but it hasn't gone away...it's still there beckoning...knocking......
It's just plain hard...to throw ones self to the wolves. I know the anxiety and stress of walking out that front door where pain can lurk and await around an unsuspecting corner....and I don't want to and you can't make me.
If only it were easy...if only it didn't hurt...I would be more willing to deal with life outside my warm, cozy bunker. Ahhh, the dilemma of it all....my anxiety rises even thinking about venturing out......hmmmmm
Where I go from here...I do not yet know. I must be back up to 50% at this point...that's what it feels like. Once I hit 100% well...then I will figure out some new parameters and find a direction. Right now I enjoy playing being me:)
Be good. Be Nice