When I showed up for the meeting, I was quickly introduced to Stranger #1 and asked, no, told that she would be attending.
Then as the other attendees arrived, someone invited Known Uninvitee #2. Now I was screwed.
In the first place, had I not been so darn polite, I would have quickly asked Stranger #1 to please leave. But, since the thought of humiliating someone so, goes against everything I believe in, I let it ride. I could have easily requested that Known Invitee leave as well. But no.
My only response to these unknown variables was typical....I shut down. I only spoke when necessary and spent most of my time staring out the window, wishing I had some control over this unforeseen mess and desperately wishing I could be somewhere else.
It wasn't until late that evening that all the delayed emotions surfaced. I was pissed at the meeting chairperson, who Knows I am autistic and does not adjust well to sudden, unpredictable changes and complete strangers. I felt she betrayed me and was disrespectful in her oversight. Yes, I'm still miffed about that one.
Secondly, I was mad at myself. Damned upset at the helpless feeling of being in an uncontrollable situation which I could not change. I felt Ambushed and bushwhacked. Had I not been polite, not autistic, and with a hint of self esteem, I would have requested a recess and a re "grouping".
The following morning, today, I contacted the meeting chairperson for a private meeting where I vented and stated my feelings. I was...am so insulted. I know the world is by its very nature unpredictable, but I expect respect, especially...if Only from those people that are Aware of what makes me uncomfortable And distressed!
Yeah, I'm still pissed.
Meeting chair took full responsibility for the "oversight" and apologized. She quickly understood her err.
At first, I thought I was making a big thing from a little thing, but no.....this is how I feel and it is justified.
Just another thing, another situation to be mentally prepared for when the next meeting comes due. Dammit