One Reason I don't like to Mention I am Autistic

The other day, I was reminded why I hesitate to tell people I'm mildly autistic. I told my physical therapist last week after I melted and shutdown when she physically manipulated my neck. Thus, yesterday I mentioned my Aspergers. Her reaction was somewhat typical...she backed away from me, became physically more distant and completed avoided touching me at all.

 I could feel her distance and avoidance, as if (bad analogy) I was a dirty thing not to be touched or gotten close to. I detest that avoidance feel. It reminds me of my mother when I was younger. It makes me feel like a pariah, someone low caste and unclean. I can't blame my physical therapist, PT. Many people have that reaction when I mention it. It's like everything in tv and movies says "Autistics don't like to be touched."

Ah, but I do. Most touch I find affirming. Just don't start moving my neck around with my shoulders hanging off the table. Just don't clap me on the shoulders, or surprise me with an unexpected pat on the back. I know I have rules, but in general, touch is okay.

 This distance, this underlying feel that one is working to avoid getting close to me, that's very uncomfortable and makes me sad.

 Somehow, someway, I'll reintegrate okay touch to my PT interactions. 

 Physical Therapy is a difficult challenge, but I'm seeing great results.