Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Friday, October 23, 2015

Shhh, secret fears that I feel silly about

You will rarely find me talking about the half dozen or so, secret fears that keep me awake at night. Saying them out loud...well, they sound far-fetched and ridiculous, even though they are quite real to me. Maybe I'm a little worried of my image, being laughed at or the look of "are you crazy?", that I've seen on people's face at times.
  I worry that I will do something stupid, something wrong that will get me thrown in jail, locked up or embarrassed for life. It's like...I'm not aware of unspoken rules and boundaries that NT's instinctively know. As an example, I thought it was okay to surprise a friend by looking up her family tree. Turns out that this was invasive and I was completely clueless. One friendship down. Or what if I'm driving 55mph but I'm not aware that I'm in a 35 mph residential zone? I'm overly cautious because I have this constant fear of accidentally committing a crime or egregious error.
  Those few who know me are well aware I don't have a mean, criminal, evil bone in my body...but being autistic, I make hellatious mistakes that haunt me for years. Yet another reason I tend to be hesitant to speak or act.
I think I've only spoken of this to one close friend. I treasure those friends who understand my autism and inherent harmless nature.
Just wanted to share. I don't know if anyone else shares this secret fear.

2 comments:

  1. Oh yeah, I know this feeling well. For example there was one time when I was on the phone with someone who used to be a really close friend of mine and we hadn't talked in forever. (The friend's drug addiction and dangerous behavior had driven me away from him eventually.) He wanted to show me some pictures, which were somehow connected to his Yahoo Mail, so he told me to login with his name and password on Yahoo so I could see the pictures. While I was in his account, I saw his mom's email, and so I decided to write to her from my own email address because, when I was friends with her son, we used to be pretty close too. As it turns out, his mom didn't have such warm, fuzzy feelings about me, and she got angry at her son for giving me her email address, and when he realized I had seen it when I was logged into his email, he got SO MAD! He called it an invasion of privacy. I felt so embarrassed... like I was a stalker! Another time I saw a name on my younger cousin's Facebook page, and remembered that I had worked at a day care center and had cared for a child with that name, and I had really loved that particular child! Realizing that it must be the same person (she was now about 14 years old) I sent her an Instant Message... just something like, "Hi, I'm Sarah's cousin, and I used to work at your daycare when you were really little. Do you remember me?" I later got an Instant Message from the girl's grandmother, saying, "If you continue to use Facebook to contact children, I will notify the police." I'm not any sort of evil person... I work with children for a living and have gone through all sorts of background checks in order to work in schools... but I saw how easily my actions could be misconstrued and get me in trouble!

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  2. Thanks for sharing, Angel. You understand completely!!!! Each day, every decision is like walking a tightrope between wanting to do something helpful or maybe happy, and invading a boundary we simply cannot see. Thanks so much!!!

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