Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Thursday, June 8, 2017

My goals are simple, needs are few...the dichotomy

I'm currently experiencing my own dichotomy and seeing everything as having two distinct, opposite sides. I can't help but wonder if the right and left hemispheres of my brain are exploring the once invisible middle ground.
Internally, I am this complex, introspective party of clowns, mimes and ringmasters frantically fighting to keep the show going on, both forward in the real world, as well as backward trying to make sense of startling flashback memories. It's sometimes a tug of war with bystanders and a pit of mud in the middle.
In a very real sense, I have one foot in each world and I can finally stand in middle ground and see both sides...confusing, yes.
Externally, my needs and wants are simple and few. I want a safe, non-threatening environment where I can be myself. I require a comfortable bed with clean sheets and soft blankies. I need just enough food in the fridge so that the starving sensation doesn't throw me into a panic. I desire to have my enough steady income so my needs are met. The SSD coming through, being approved would help that aspect. I crave a gentle, honest, kind and freely affectionate girlfriend who enjoys my company. Simple, right?
Thus I have complex versus simple.
I want to balance these two opposing worlds of living in the past, retro therapy vs. functioning  and being present. Funny, previously i could see only one side or the other. No wonder I feel confusion as I've never had access to such a full view before. It makes sense that my direction is All Stop. Amazing how a little writing can provide me with much needed perspective.
Is it just Me? Or does talking and writing bring about answers? What a small gift with such a huge impact. Must write more often...note to self.
I'm sitting on a fence post..no, rather I'm straddling it and can see both sides for once. It's hard to make heads or tails of things when you see both sides as it's continually flipping in the air.
My life will change shortly, as my youngest goes away for the summer. Both the positive and negative stand in front of me. I can make no choice as to which one will weigh in stronger. They are equal in their own right even though I'm stymied as.....sure things are black and some things are white..like equality, like indecision. Stalemate. Hmmm.
What an odd place to find my self. Being able to acknowledge, sense and see both sides. I cannot weigh in. Opinions are now vague...or fugue..or mute...or nonsense....
Funny, it's starting to make sense this inner wandering. What a strange and new place.

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