Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Friday, March 9, 2018

Post Trigger Recovery

I belong alone, within, in my home. I'm dealing with the after effects of being triggered and emotionally overwhelmed due to an incident Tuesday night at a movie theater. I'm realizing the importance of having a safe place to withdraw, to hide, protect myself while I destress from some truly awful, unsettling experiences. I know I'm going to need some time to recover. Don't know how long, but I'll take it one day at a time and monitor how my body, mind and heart feel each day before venturing out into the jungle.
I feel lost and small, constantly on the verge of tears. I'm unsteady, shaken and swimming in low self-esteem.
What's happened... I attempted to join an autistic group only to find that it surely wasn't for me. The outing was an ordinary R-rated movie that was filled with horrific screaming and grotesque scenes. I'm horrified. The sounds triggered memories of torture and disturbed my fragile soul. Being amongst others, I'd deemed it improper to leave. One of my problems being around others, especially unknown others, is taking action that I felt I needed to do. So, I couldn't leave. Couldn't put my fingers in my ears or show any signs of distress. Sigh. Childhood again. Helpless again. Overwhelmed and scared, again.
Haven't recovered yet. Just haven't.
It's these seemingly innocuous events that shock and propel me into regretting leaving the house. I never know when I'll be hurt, by sights, by sounds. It all feels so unsafe, out there, past the front door.
And right now, it is unsafe because I'm not put back together yet.
Try explaining that to the friend you're supposed to meet for lunch or while cancelling that appointment you'll get charged for and you've waited a month for.
The explanations are a secondary hardship to the first one of trying to process and get over the trigger. It's a double whammy.
My brain, nervous system, everything is overwhelmed. I'm on timeout and it's a good thing, a healthy thing and the only thing I can do right now.
I'll be okay again when I'm okay again. Whenever that may be.
Peace