Pain is my pilot, my controller, my guide, my false, omnipotent god that dictates every move in my life.
Mostly I'm trying to avoid its iron, bloody fist, taking detours, being stopped cold in my tracks forced to feel and be.
I believe each individual, has within, a dark pool, each having a different depth. Within the dark pool we cast all the things, the events, the choices, the feelings...that we don't want to see or acknowledge.
My pool is pitch black, a mile deep, covered in opaque scum...and the place where, I want to say, the place where my soul dwells but that would sound really bad, so let's say that the pool is the place where I spend the majority of my time, along the murky water's edge, trying to collect the pieces of my soul that have been drowned there.
You see, so much of me is plunged within the pool that I am nothing without it.
When my body hurts, when the pain has grabbed me by the balls, I'm forced to change. I'm forced to look at my pathetic self and forced into one of three actions: 1) avoid the pain, self-medicate, switch, sleep. 2) a dress the underlying issue. Examine the piece of pool scun that has surfaced and thrown itself in my face or 3) ensure, ignore.
My life has always been piloted by avoiding as much pain as possible. Avoiding people, situations, change in routine, memories, flashbacks and dreams that show me the truth of my past.
You cannot see me bleeding because it's all on the inside.
You cannot hear me screaming because of the soundproof walls, the barriers and my ability to scream turned inside.
You cannot ask me to forget that which is a part of my soul, the painful hideous events that I ran from, that I hid, all of that is pieces of me.
And oh so dark, you've never seen a night as dark.
Who I am...if I were to date say...would make you turn away in disgust and run.
Where am I going and why?
Just thoughts from within, from hours in exhaustive contemplation trying to avoid the pain that seems to have arisen like a sun ear, angry and sad, tall and broad.
Completely sober...
Life is deep, for some
My pool is wide
I'm not afraid
It's just who and what I am
Mostly I'm trying to avoid its iron, bloody fist, taking detours, being stopped cold in my tracks forced to feel and be.
I believe each individual, has within, a dark pool, each having a different depth. Within the dark pool we cast all the things, the events, the choices, the feelings...that we don't want to see or acknowledge.
My pool is pitch black, a mile deep, covered in opaque scum...and the place where, I want to say, the place where my soul dwells but that would sound really bad, so let's say that the pool is the place where I spend the majority of my time, along the murky water's edge, trying to collect the pieces of my soul that have been drowned there.
You see, so much of me is plunged within the pool that I am nothing without it.
When my body hurts, when the pain has grabbed me by the balls, I'm forced to change. I'm forced to look at my pathetic self and forced into one of three actions: 1) avoid the pain, self-medicate, switch, sleep. 2) a dress the underlying issue. Examine the piece of pool scun that has surfaced and thrown itself in my face or 3) ensure, ignore.
My life has always been piloted by avoiding as much pain as possible. Avoiding people, situations, change in routine, memories, flashbacks and dreams that show me the truth of my past.
You cannot see me bleeding because it's all on the inside.
You cannot hear me screaming because of the soundproof walls, the barriers and my ability to scream turned inside.
You cannot ask me to forget that which is a part of my soul, the painful hideous events that I ran from, that I hid, all of that is pieces of me.
And oh so dark, you've never seen a night as dark.
Who I am...if I were to date say...would make you turn away in disgust and run.
Where am I going and why?
Just thoughts from within, from hours in exhaustive contemplation trying to avoid the pain that seems to have arisen like a sun ear, angry and sad, tall and broad.
Completely sober...
Life is deep, for some
My pool is wide
I'm not afraid
It's just who and what I am
