It seems like most of life can be boiled down to living to avoid hurt, in essence, alive to seek love.
Avoid hurt by generating income so you can eat and have a decent place to live. Dating, coupling and marrying to avoid the pain of loneliness.
Busy drowning our hurts in drinks, pills, shoveling food in our face, drowning in trivial make believe dramas of reality tv and gossiping about the neighbor down the street.
Our bodies hurt because our hearts hurt and we don't know how to feed ourselves right and feel good about who we are.
I'm odd and strange, because my pains are understood by the small majority who suffered similar crimes. We all hurt, just in different degrees.
Life doesn't make sense in that there is no joy, or feelings of happiness that I can experience on a weekly basis. I live scarce, scant and acutely aware of this emptiness in my soul because I was unlovable...rephrase that. I was entrusted to adults, to caretakers that were unable to love me.
And the counseling choir screams "you just need to love yourself more" and "love is the answer" as if they expect me to suddenly conjure up exactly what this love thing is that I never experienced.
How can I feel something that was never given to me? I know not its parameters, its width, its depth, its feel.
Like a blind man walking in a cave told to open his eyes.
Its ludicrous really, this unending game of seeking something that was never given me.
I see, I fully understand the dilemma of being Autistic and unable to find a single friend, much less an intimate one. I believe that loneliness and having the capacity to know you need someone and not being able to attain it, is the single greatest, most depressing problem facing those of us on the spectrum.
Trapped within ourselves With the knowledge of what we need And knowing we cannot attain it....sigh. Life is about figuring out how to endure this great pain...in a trivial world where others have what they require.
The emptiness...the aloneness...Life is great sadness, nothing more. Pointless, yet, I persevere.
Words of wisdom, I scoff, apply only in the neurotypical world where people live on the surface, not for the depths of the autistics.
I used to think Aspergers was a step in furthering the evolutionary process. Now I realize I'm just a caveman seeking fire and I have no flint. And I can see the glow of many distant campfires.
Life is about avoiding hurt and trying to find enough to fill the void of being unable to connect to anyone else.
Avoid hurt by generating income so you can eat and have a decent place to live. Dating, coupling and marrying to avoid the pain of loneliness.
Busy drowning our hurts in drinks, pills, shoveling food in our face, drowning in trivial make believe dramas of reality tv and gossiping about the neighbor down the street.
Our bodies hurt because our hearts hurt and we don't know how to feed ourselves right and feel good about who we are.
I'm odd and strange, because my pains are understood by the small majority who suffered similar crimes. We all hurt, just in different degrees.
Life doesn't make sense in that there is no joy, or feelings of happiness that I can experience on a weekly basis. I live scarce, scant and acutely aware of this emptiness in my soul because I was unlovable...rephrase that. I was entrusted to adults, to caretakers that were unable to love me.
And the counseling choir screams "you just need to love yourself more" and "love is the answer" as if they expect me to suddenly conjure up exactly what this love thing is that I never experienced.
How can I feel something that was never given to me? I know not its parameters, its width, its depth, its feel.
Like a blind man walking in a cave told to open his eyes.
Its ludicrous really, this unending game of seeking something that was never given me.
I see, I fully understand the dilemma of being Autistic and unable to find a single friend, much less an intimate one. I believe that loneliness and having the capacity to know you need someone and not being able to attain it, is the single greatest, most depressing problem facing those of us on the spectrum.
Trapped within ourselves With the knowledge of what we need And knowing we cannot attain it....sigh. Life is about figuring out how to endure this great pain...in a trivial world where others have what they require.
The emptiness...the aloneness...Life is great sadness, nothing more. Pointless, yet, I persevere.
Words of wisdom, I scoff, apply only in the neurotypical world where people live on the surface, not for the depths of the autistics.
I used to think Aspergers was a step in furthering the evolutionary process. Now I realize I'm just a caveman seeking fire and I have no flint. And I can see the glow of many distant campfires.
Life is about avoiding hurt and trying to find enough to fill the void of being unable to connect to anyone else.
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