Biff and Whip, How my grandmother beat the Autism out of me

I was a child born in the 60's. Autism may have existed but it was unheard of. I exhibited strange behaviors that irritated people. I didn't look people in the eye or even look in the direction they were speaking at times. I paced and rocked when everyone else was standing still with arms at their side. My hands moved in jerky, erratic fashion whenever I was nervous or bored, which was the majority of time.

My paternal grandmother, who also raised my undiagnosed Autistic father, had a surefire way to get me, to stop my uncontrollable behavior. She would Biff me in the head, which is defined as a smack on the upperside of the head, within the hairline to make it unnoticeable, whenever I moved wrong. It was a quick, often unexpected smack to the side of the head.

The lack of eye contact was quickly cured by consistently Whipping my chin (I called it "whipchin") from the side, to face forward by her firmly grasping my chin while vigorously twist it face forward. Hence, Biff and Whip. I cannot accurately recount the depth of my pain and humiliation at his grandmother's actions.

I hated myself. Hated how my body moved and acted against my will and wishes. Oh my God, how I hated my body in its constant betrayal and the amount of physical and emotional pain it's tics and twitches caused. Funny, as I write, I'm not blaming the grandmother nearly as much as I am blaming me. Even though I had no idea what was wrong with me, it was never justified to be so disrespectful with an adult. Ouch. I'm hurting myself just with the realization of the damage done.

Grandmother was just one person but I did spend a lot of time with her, weekly mostly, all through my childhood. I wonder how many Biffs and Whips I endured before I learned to hide and become invisible. What methods did I use to suppress and deny my nervous, bored and fearful tics? Especially when the mere thought of that woman beast crushes my soul and makes me cry.

I endured terrible pain and suffering at her hands because I was an undiagnosed and misunderstood Autistic.

Yeah, I remember grandmother's two best friends, Biff and Whip.