Living in northern Michigan, seasonal changes are quite dramatic events for this Aspie. From my home, in the woods a couple of miles from the mighty Lake Michigan, it often feels like I experience four very different external worlds throughout each year. So many things about me change from my eating habits, desire to socialize, need for solitude, thought patterns, obsessions vary every few months.
I am currently in the midst of winter. The outside world is stark, white, cold, bare...colorless and it's hard to find light. I retreat needing maximum solitude. It's as if I am suddenly very alone and my thoughts have grown quite loud and demanding. It's impossible to hide from my self. I become extremely introverted venturing out only for the barest of necessities and have-to-dos.
Being out-of-doors...the sounds have changed. Footsteps have that odd muffled tone. The wind no longer playfully skirts through leaves and comes at you full force and without restraint. There is nothing to...see except what has been and what is yet to be. I know the flowers are in deep slumber, hiding under the blanket. We are in the midst of a snowstorm and the trees with their one-sided snow look as if they have white fluffy feathers on their trunks. Starvation and survival. How grateful I become for the necessities of life...warmth and shelter.
I often can be found observing, identifying and following critter tracks left in the new snow. Deer and squirrel footprints mostly itch the odd dog, kitty and vole tracks. The other day, I thought I might be on the trail of a coyote or wolf only to discover they were the prints of my own dog, Shadow, slightly disordered from a recent melt. The birds of Spring are gone replaced by cheerful chickadees and suspicious blue jays. Days and days can go by without a single bird singing, save the ever-present survivalist crows who enjoy a good caw now and then.
I miss the sound of birds singing. To have such beauty switched out for howling wind....tragic.
I do enjoy watching the snowflakes slowly dance down on a calm day from the warmth of my window. How they twirl and careen, never once being upset about their fall. Ah, if I could be...so carefree. My other favorite winter watching is those few days when the sun comes out to shine and all the little snowflakes packed on the ground sparkle and shine with blues, yellows and green...like a fallen rainbow that shattered peacefully and without remorse.
The smells of the season are so earthy, gritty and sparse. Essence of dirt and mud mixed with fireplace smoke....otherwise..it smells like a vacuum, empty and absent of identity.
I can't remember the last time I picked up the phone to chat with a friend...must have been a couple weeks back. I turn off my phone and take long breaks from social networking. My interests seem to focus entirely within me, my house and family.
One of my oddest habits is my overwhelming desire to build, a model, kit, snow fort...something like that, which takes hold of me every single winter without fail. Way back when I was poor, I would content myself to build snow forts and large sculptures in the yard, always at night, so no one else could see me and often to the very wee hours of morn. I have had phases where I have worked on dollhouse and miniature kits, kinect models, gingerbread houses and this year Lego building. I love my obsessions because they work that patterned, non-emotional side of my brain and I get transported to a very logical, extremely calm and orderly place and I can physically see the results of my actions.
I created the most fantastically, magnificent Lego sphere from directions I found on the inet. It's sixteen regular size bricks tall, about six and a quarter inches. I layered it with black and red stripes. At first I tried going monochromatic, but then I kept losing track of which level I was on so I went two-toned. I am so impressively proud of myself for it took at least four different trys to find the right formula to get the ball rolling...pun intended. My most usual pattern is to give up after one failed attempt, but I chose to persevere because I was enthralled with the idea of it. I must have used hundreds of Lego and my magnificent sphere will remain intact on the shelf for quite sometime. Heck, I can barely resist walking past it without picking it up and admiring it every time I walk by. Oh, and it has a marvelous...sturdy feel to it. Yes, I adore it!
My habits and hygiene transform as well. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I stepped into the shower...probably last week sometime is my guess. I do wash but with much less frequency. Staying in the house allows me to forgo the daily gruel of ritual washing. It's not uncommon for me to sleep in my clothes or wear sweatshirts to bed. The northern Michigan cold has that affect on me.
And speaking of cold, on those rare occasions when I do venture out, I have absent-mindedly been wearing my stocking cap indoors, often keeping it on for hours. It just seems to feel comfy and cozy these days. Yes, I am most fashionable dressed in winter...for a hobo that is:)
My eating habits turn to meat and potatoes mostly, with a sprinkling of fruit and Snickers. Gone is the spring/summer diet of salads, potato salad, fish and chicken. Funny, I can usually tell when Spring is in the air because I start making potato salad.
Winter is a time of deep introspection. Just an Aspie and her thoughts.
Depression lurks, stalks and beckons. Some days it almost seems like a warm, dark...comforting cave calling. Or a friendly out-stretched hand. Sigh
It's January...in about two months I'll tell you all about the plethora of energy, joy, beauty and excitement of Spring as I bounce off walls.
Be good. Don't forget me while I'm gone:)
