Impulse: a force so communicated as to produce motion suddenly; a propensity or natural tendency other than rational
One of the most disparaging issues in dealing with my Aspergers, is how much effort I have to put into "impulse control" on a daily basis. It truly is a bane of my existence (constant source of irritation and misery).
The times when I have gotten myself into trouble have almost always had the mark of impulsivity and not thinking things through.
The only car accident, I ever caused, was when I was 16 and decided that I would follow my friend home to her house and their was this mini chase thingy going on and well, I lost the race and ended up with the dent and ticket.
I work to control impulsivity on a number of fronts. One, through what I verbalize which is the easiest to control if I stay in my own home. Otherwise,if I know that I will be meeting with someone, I will rehearse a few different scenarios in an effort not to say something offensive. Anyone who unexpectedly walks up to me and starts talking really puts me on my game and I am trying to listen, figuring out when its my turn, watching lips move, working to figure out the motive of the conversation and what is my appropriate response...and they are fair game...I never know for sure how those sudden chats will turn out, but my censor is on, hard at work.
Two, I try and control my actions. I keep any and all tics in line and out-of-sight. I am a certified "hug whore" which means I like them and if I see someone whom I like very much, I will routinely run up and hug them without warning. Yes, I have caught people off guard at times and I'm always guessing whether or not it is appropriate. I have been known to startle others by reaching for a pretty, shiny necklace or bauble. I think I slightly scared my poor doctor the other day by doing that. Touching can be intrusive and I have to restrain myself often.
I have figured out that it is inappropriate and considered rude to throw my hands onto my ears when bothered by crowd noise or very loud places. I've trained myself to resist that impulse.
Three, in my own thinking. I get on these impulsive obsessions and suddenly am buying all these items for a craft that never materializes past my fertile imagination. The impulses for these are especially strong and I continue to try and find ways to slow them down. It is very similar to intense, ravenous hunger and not easily managed. So, thinking needs to be kept in check because once I start down one road of thought...it can be quite depressing or disastrous, depending on where the road leads.
Impulse control is a feature of my autism that is constantly on or working very hard. The only relief I find is being removed from the outside, the mainstream. Peace is me home alone or with family. And I like peace, a lot.
(I did not realize that "impulsivity" was a neologism, a word I made up. Hmm, it seemed to make sense in my head)
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