Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Affectionate Aspie


As I sat reading various articles on Aspergers and autism, 'twas late last night, I became quite bothered by the portrayal of Aspies as being distant and nonaffectionate as parents and Partners for I am anything but. So I would like to write about affection, parenting and being in a relationship.
Both my sons have enjoyed a very hands-on physically demonstrative mother who loves to snuggle, hug and hold hands on a daily basis. One of my rather secretive reasons for choosing to have children was so that i would have someone to hold and cuddle. Even at 17 yrs of age, it was a common, daily occurrence for my Eldest to walk in the room, arms extended in the gesture, "may I have a hug."
As infants, it wasn't uncommon for me to hold them, gently running my fingers through their baby soft hair even after they were fast asleep. I am very tactile, minimally verbal, and I convey my feelings through my touch.
On weekends and during summer months I tend to sleep in. Eldest had the very sweet habit of waking me up in the morning with a kiss on the cheek or forehead. My Younglink, on the other hand, awakens me with an extended index finger poking my face. Both boys are quite at ease with the whole holding hands with Momma in public places thingy.
Whilst I am can be on the low end of being able to express myself verbally, I make up for it with the ability to convey how I feel with hugs and touch.
I probably do not verbally convey appropriately enough, my love and gratitude for my wonderful Partner, but I hope that my warm embraces get the message across. I would love nothing more than to publicly hold her hand or wrap my arm around her as we walk through a store or park, but due to the aversion to public displays of affection by same sex couples, I am forced to resign myself to nothing more than intermittent handholding at movie theaters where no one can see us in the dark. It is not by my choice that I cannot show my affection more often in the public realm, but I love her dearly.
I only see a handful of relatives once or twice a year at holidays, but boy, do the hugs flow freely. If I love and care deeply for someone, it shows.
All this talk or rather, written words about nonaffectionate Aspies may be true for some or maybe even the majority of Aspies, I definitely differ and take offense at the notion. I am a very affection person.

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