I've come to the conclusion that Aspie life is discomfort and pain management.
Being Autistic means being in an incessant state of discomfort to varying degrees. Some days it's just a ripple and other days it's rogue wave after rogue wave.
Fitting in, well, I have moments I want to. I think that mostly I'm just trying to pass through unharmed which means unnoticed. Lights, sights, sounds and smells are all out of my control. Hmm, touch, others touching me is about the only thing I Can control. Interesting, sudden observation.
Thus, whenever I leave the house, I can expect to be uncomfortable...i just never know to what degree. Will I arrive home irritated, talking to myself, crying or relatively unscathed? I never know. Quite frankly, I'd rather not even risk it, staying home as much as possible.
Discomfort is the poor, younger brother of Pain. They share the same blood, you know? I'm not sure of where the line is whereby discomfort slides into mental pain.
So many types of pain, but I guess physical pain is the most prominent. Throughout our lives, especially as we get older, navigating physical pain seems to be a daily task. If you're under 50, you won't understand this, some day you will. My medicine cabinet is full. I never thought I'd become one of those people with an armfull of prescription bottles but here I am. It's a constant mental challenge to figure out which pain relief meds and/or tactics are needed each day. How much pain can I tolerate? At what point do I take these pills or those? I'm not sure. I'm second guessing myself. I'm trying to measure, so I can manage my physical pains.
Then you have our hidden friend, emotional pain. Ah, well, for those of us that acknowledge that we feel and seek to examine and understand them, emotional pain is quite real. Grief, sorrow, depression, loss, hurt, self-hatred, they are all...painful. The older one gets, the more memories, events, grief and events. They need to be properly stored, managed and disposed of, or contained, anyway.
I can only speak for my own life, my feelings and experiences....life is Pain Management, pure and simple.
Being Autistic means being in an incessant state of discomfort to varying degrees. Some days it's just a ripple and other days it's rogue wave after rogue wave.
Fitting in, well, I have moments I want to. I think that mostly I'm just trying to pass through unharmed which means unnoticed. Lights, sights, sounds and smells are all out of my control. Hmm, touch, others touching me is about the only thing I Can control. Interesting, sudden observation.
Thus, whenever I leave the house, I can expect to be uncomfortable...i just never know to what degree. Will I arrive home irritated, talking to myself, crying or relatively unscathed? I never know. Quite frankly, I'd rather not even risk it, staying home as much as possible.
Discomfort is the poor, younger brother of Pain. They share the same blood, you know? I'm not sure of where the line is whereby discomfort slides into mental pain.
So many types of pain, but I guess physical pain is the most prominent. Throughout our lives, especially as we get older, navigating physical pain seems to be a daily task. If you're under 50, you won't understand this, some day you will. My medicine cabinet is full. I never thought I'd become one of those people with an armfull of prescription bottles but here I am. It's a constant mental challenge to figure out which pain relief meds and/or tactics are needed each day. How much pain can I tolerate? At what point do I take these pills or those? I'm not sure. I'm second guessing myself. I'm trying to measure, so I can manage my physical pains.
Then you have our hidden friend, emotional pain. Ah, well, for those of us that acknowledge that we feel and seek to examine and understand them, emotional pain is quite real. Grief, sorrow, depression, loss, hurt, self-hatred, they are all...painful. The older one gets, the more memories, events, grief and events. They need to be properly stored, managed and disposed of, or contained, anyway.
I can only speak for my own life, my feelings and experiences....life is Pain Management, pure and simple.
