Once again, mothers day reminds me of what a failure I am to my own kids and what a heartless, cruel, narcissistic mother I had.
We'll start with her, who is frighteningly similar to my ex, both never to acknowledge any feelings or wrongdoing. Both self-righteous and blaming me for any and everything. And both not giving a damn about anything other then themselves. Both incapable of anything resembling love, or even like, even though those words were freely used.
It's been a boggy, quagmire of a week with sudden, catastrophic occurances materializing out of thin air. I injured my arm, a couple weeks back. I've had sprains before but I'm guessing this is more of a hairline fracture to my interior radius that will show up on the xrays due to be taken Monday. The pain isn't manageable to sprain like. It is intense, localized, wakes me up at night and causes fits of madness. I've struggled with pain management from simply getting pain meds prescribed to figuring out how often to take them so the agony won't set in and send me spiraling.
The pain is bad, awful bad, in the morning if I don't take something in the middle of the night. I have a sturdy brace that is affixed to my forearm. Any movements or actions will send the pain rapidly rising. I struggle. I've definitely been struggling...in many ways.
I've become disillusioned with my acupuncturist. It's been 3 visits and I even fell fast asleep quite rapidly this past week, sleeping so deeply I suffered momentary confusion and disorientation when I awoke. However, acupuncturist does zero diagnostic work, no checking of pulses and just puts the needles in places based on my symptoms. In my book, and from what I've read, that's a half-ass job. My energy has improved and my neck is less painful but...lets just leave that there. Yikes.
Mid-week I went ballistic in discovering my kid has been vocalizing bias and hatespeak. I ended up talking with him, at length, his therapist And his counselor at school to try and get a semblance of understanding as to why his behavior turned. The school counselor explained it to me most thoroughly. It does feel like I don't even know this kid. I guess the teen years are especially challenging for him. Anyway, it's been highly distressing and triggering.
I can't remember when I had a moment to myself whereby there wasn't anything on my list of things that had to be done. Not enough rest. Not enough therapy. No time for Art, my healing friend, sigh.
Facebook feels like each person is just circling their own wagon. Lots of self-absorbtion, so I don't bother much. I've been communicating with my woman friend almost daily. I really like her and hope we can find the time to get together soon. She's a pretty private person and an introvert. Two of the things we share and that I admire. No drama is a great thing.
Son and I spent the day doing laundry. Oh, what fun, Not. It got backed up due to my injury so one-handed mom and one-handed son, worked hard together to get er done. Then it was time for Dairy Queen. Man, it's taken awhile to remove that feeling of entitlement he had going. He continues to whine and complain over the simplest chores. I have no tolerance for that and ignore his whine. He needs to continue to pull his own weight and learn the tasks of daily living and they need to be taught by me. No cleaning lady here to clean up his messes for him.
Don't know if we will go out for a ride tomorrow or not. We will see how I feel.
It's been a highly, highly stressful and aggravating week. Begone!
We'll start with her, who is frighteningly similar to my ex, both never to acknowledge any feelings or wrongdoing. Both self-righteous and blaming me for any and everything. And both not giving a damn about anything other then themselves. Both incapable of anything resembling love, or even like, even though those words were freely used.
It's been a boggy, quagmire of a week with sudden, catastrophic occurances materializing out of thin air. I injured my arm, a couple weeks back. I've had sprains before but I'm guessing this is more of a hairline fracture to my interior radius that will show up on the xrays due to be taken Monday. The pain isn't manageable to sprain like. It is intense, localized, wakes me up at night and causes fits of madness. I've struggled with pain management from simply getting pain meds prescribed to figuring out how often to take them so the agony won't set in and send me spiraling.
The pain is bad, awful bad, in the morning if I don't take something in the middle of the night. I have a sturdy brace that is affixed to my forearm. Any movements or actions will send the pain rapidly rising. I struggle. I've definitely been struggling...in many ways.
I've become disillusioned with my acupuncturist. It's been 3 visits and I even fell fast asleep quite rapidly this past week, sleeping so deeply I suffered momentary confusion and disorientation when I awoke. However, acupuncturist does zero diagnostic work, no checking of pulses and just puts the needles in places based on my symptoms. In my book, and from what I've read, that's a half-ass job. My energy has improved and my neck is less painful but...lets just leave that there. Yikes.
Mid-week I went ballistic in discovering my kid has been vocalizing bias and hatespeak. I ended up talking with him, at length, his therapist And his counselor at school to try and get a semblance of understanding as to why his behavior turned. The school counselor explained it to me most thoroughly. It does feel like I don't even know this kid. I guess the teen years are especially challenging for him. Anyway, it's been highly distressing and triggering.
I can't remember when I had a moment to myself whereby there wasn't anything on my list of things that had to be done. Not enough rest. Not enough therapy. No time for Art, my healing friend, sigh.
Facebook feels like each person is just circling their own wagon. Lots of self-absorbtion, so I don't bother much. I've been communicating with my woman friend almost daily. I really like her and hope we can find the time to get together soon. She's a pretty private person and an introvert. Two of the things we share and that I admire. No drama is a great thing.
Son and I spent the day doing laundry. Oh, what fun, Not. It got backed up due to my injury so one-handed mom and one-handed son, worked hard together to get er done. Then it was time for Dairy Queen. Man, it's taken awhile to remove that feeling of entitlement he had going. He continues to whine and complain over the simplest chores. I have no tolerance for that and ignore his whine. He needs to continue to pull his own weight and learn the tasks of daily living and they need to be taught by me. No cleaning lady here to clean up his messes for him.
Don't know if we will go out for a ride tomorrow or not. We will see how I feel.
It's been a highly, highly stressful and aggravating week. Begone!
