The Truth is a Thing of Horrid, Wretched Beauty
I watched the movie Adam, tonight. It is a story about a man with Aspergers....hmmm, lots of thoughts and feelings on this one.
My first reaction was "this is bad". Do I really look like that much of a doofus? Its one thing to actually be a doofus, it is quite another when you realize others may see you that way.
He seemed like such a simpleton but I can easily remember feeling that way, frequently. Its as if everyone is speaking the same language but you. And you can't even find the dictionary to understand what they are saying.
It feels like being an alien, a foreigner in a very strange land. And you can't pinpoint why, you just know that you are very different.
Embarrassment and humiliation are probably the two worst emotions to feel. They seem to strike the deepest and sharpest. And are the hardest ones to shake and get over.
Yes, a lot of the movie is quite true. The incredible frustration with not being able to go out the door or perform a relatively simple task. I loved the great lengths it took to prepare for the job interview...it took days and days and many hours of rehearsal to get ready.
I must admit that I have much, much more in my freezer than mac and cheese and veggies. But don't make me vary from my coffee and peanut butter toast in the morning...that Is my religion.
The trauma of parties and restaurants was portrayed extremely well. And gave my partner a better understanding. She used to be a go-out-to-eat-at-a-restaurant person and had a hard time adjusting to my rebellion against eating away from home.
The loneliness...the self-abuse..unfortunately frustration expresses itself in many forms.
The fits of rage...while I have heard that this is quite common, it is not something I experience.
The inability to share personal experiences...when his father died and no one at the office knew.
Asking for help, or the inability to ask for help...Wow..true too.
Being lied to, betrayed, having the wool pulled over your eyes..YES..big, big no no's. And the subsequent wanting to burn the bridge..yes. Aspies really want no part of deception in any form.
Aspies are people who take words at their literal meaning and are brutally honest..(ok, gotta tell ya...this one time, at band camp...no, this one time at a friends house..I brought my Aspie 9 year old son. My friend was showing us the house and when we got to her newly painted bedroom,[she had all her clothing strewn on the bed away from the paint] my son said, "This place is a mess." Brutally honest, fer sure.) I guess we expect that others should be just like us. And it is quite an offense to be deceived.
The movie was upsetting because it struck so close to home.
Seeing his struggle was rather painful. I am not sure that I could actually watch it again. And I definitely do not want to share it with my son.
I was enormously pleased with the ending because it showed how against great odds he was able to overcome and succeed. When you live in your own little, highly controlled, regulated and predictable, safe world and can muster every resource you have to take a giant step out..it is an incredible feat of remarkable courage.
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