I have observed a number of things... People that are angry are hurt, in pain. They lash out at everyone, blindly, erroneously, swinging fists with eyes closed. Someone hurt them really bad. (I'm talking about those people who seem angry most of the time)And they can't get a grip on it...can't seem to come to terms with it and release their pain in an alternative way. Angry individuals are hurting.
Frustration seems to be when someone or something fails to meet some expectation that we have...like a dream unfulfilled. Or when we ourselves, fail to reach a goal.
I often Wonder how much I am supposed to allow others to lead their own lives and if and when I am supposed to intervene. Where is the line between being an individual and making ones own choices and allowing someone to do an act which the observer feels is wrong?
What is right and wrong anyway, but a subjective point of view?
Love and sex. I've noticed that some people equate having sex as being in love, wherein sex becomes some sort of tool in which one can "get love". I don't believe that to be true. Many people who are having sex are no where near love and vice versa.
Pain and Love are both HUGE words with a multitude of degrees and meanings, intensities and levels. To say one of them is to whisper into a crowded room...the meaning is only clear to those who can hear it..in a sense, grasp and understand the place in which it is spoken.
Alcohol, drugs, excess, its all a pain-killer, something that is hidden or that we are uncomfortable with. Often I think of addiction as a very strange, warped band-aid that is trying so hard to cover up something that we don't like about ourselves...usually it's false expectations imposed upon someone by another. I find it hard to believe that we could have ever done something so awful that we have to hide from ourselves in shame. Or cover it up and try and bury it.
Why do we consistently find our every little fault and drag out the magnifying glass? Why do we pick on and berate ourselves for being human? I don't get it. Learned behavior, mostly?
The caged bird can sing if it wants
It's far easier to turn the magnifying glass towards ourselves, after all, who knows us better then we do? Not that this really accomplishes anything, the constant nit-picking of qualities and working with our own bias opinion of how we perceive us. The best example is doing your own Tarot reading, it means what you want it to mean - leading to either wishful thinking, or jinxing the fates, or setting up yet another disappointment. Learned behavior, social and cultural influences, questionable parenting, the subtleties and context of our past circling around to bite us in the ass. A pesky Uroboros, spiraling around and around.
ReplyDeleteStudying and observing behaviors, grasping the concept of expression (whether it's verbal, physical, or messages implied) and the possible usage - how do we explain this, that through our attempts to understand others is this a means to really acknowledge ourselves? Or is it another defense mechanism: mimickry, imitation, another step to bridge the chasm that separates us from the NT world. And how easy is it to adopt the popular usage of language and emotional displays, to dumb down our own speech and thoughts so that we're readily understood? Because god forbid we sound too smart, too unusual, too ego-centric and topic obsessed.
Maybe this is why solitude seems so addicting, I don't have to worry so much about thinking before I speak (there's another learned behavior). Or turning that magnifying glass towards others, which happens a bit often actually. I'm not sure which is more unusual, that I can figure others out or that I'm actually really good at it most times.
How does one go about unlearning a behavior? I know that actually talking about it and coming to grips with it is a step in the right direct. I know that I am too introspective, too often, and I've driven myself near crazy with the constant boredom. That the complacency of ritualistic routines isn't exactly quite the comforting safe zone I thought it'd be because it doesn't spare me from thinking to myself. That just maybe I need distraction and other people, either as a focal point or motivation to quit tuning out.
But what if...we changed how we look at ourselves? And see Only or Mostly all of our positives? The way we interact with our kids, spouse and other vulnerable people? What if That was All that we saw? What if we let go of all the negative stuff from the past? Stuff others threw onto us and things we told ourselves? I know, its much, much easier to say than do, but it is doable.
ReplyDeleteYou are who you are and yeah, I used to do the dumb-down but I gave it up, except for the most necessary of circumatances, because,in a sense, you are denying who you are...and I don't believe that that is ever right.
Who cares what others think? And who is to say that what we think others are thinking is the actual truth? When you care about what others think, they own you. (Wish that was an original thought but, no,I found it somewhere and hung on to it.)
Maybe more people should think before they speak. Maybe if we felt good and comfortable being ourself we wouldn't worry so much about it. Oh, yeah, a positive sense of self....its not a rampant thing in the Aspie or NT world.
Introspection is not a bad thing...just depends on what you are looking at. You are full of kind, benevolent behavior...look at the job you do, the way you treat and care for your family..Start seeing the Real You, the part of you that is genuine and caring. Damn, if I, an almost complete stranger can so easily see your positives and care for you Exactly as you are, I am hoping that you will see it too.
All behaviors can be changed if one is willing to change the messages, the stories, the tall tales, the untruths that they keep telling themselves.
I read a book, a silly book called something like, You Can Change Your Life or Heal your life, by Louise L. Hay. I scoffed at it and the whole idea of positive affirmations, but read it anyway. After trying various techniques over weeks, I noticed that I was changing in very big ways. I recommend it to everyone.
I am so glad you posted. I do love reading your words and what you are thinking and how you put things. It never fails to brighten my day! I think you are GREAT!!!