Boy, this is a tough one. Wow, I am emotional being. Emotions have been one of those things, one of those very big things that I have tried to keep hidden and checked. Emotions, especially sadness, make me feel so vulnerable.
As a child, holding in those feelings, never letting them see the tears, was a power trip of sorts...it was my attempt to not let them know that they were hurting me. I tried taking away the perpetrators power by burying all the pain and hurt deep, deep inside.
I have come to realize that the power isn't in hiding emotions, its in accepting that they are a vibrant part of me and I am comfortable expressing how I feel. I validate my own existence by acknowledging that every single part of what makes me, Me is healthy, good and worthy of love.....hiding isn't good for the soul.
Emotions are the elixir of Life. They are what makes everything flow...the color on the canvas...the oars that row the boat....
Well, do you know what happens when you take a lot of pain and just stuff it inside after, oh, decades? It eats you away and can make you very sick. A great, prolific source of autoimmune disorders.
I am an emotional being. To deny my emotions is to deny a part of my self.
Okay, yeah, so I took that damn sledgehammer and busted down the damn. Its so weird how something can feel both enormously sad and so ginormously healing at the same time.
I'm not going top separate myself any more. I'm not going to judge whether this feeling is bad and should be hidden but this other one, well, its okay. It don't work that way.
Emotions are a big part of what makes us REAL. Yes, Pinocchio, you can become a real boy! Yeah, that made of wood, or in my opinion, stone, being made of stone isn't a healthy choice for me anymore.
Boy, if I am capable of feeling this much sadness, I must also be able to feel an equally huge amount of joy. I don't think you can have one without the other.
It feels like I found the missing piece of me.
I am an emotional being...I can accept that
No comments:
Post a Comment