Painting Myself Into The Corner

Okay, so today, Dr. Phil said something aloud that I had been thinking. And reading John Elders latest post reinforced it. Obviously, I need to go there.
I feel like i have painted myself into the corner. I have allowed fear and apprehension, over-protectiveness and the wanting to avoid sensory overload and the possibility of being made fun of or taken advantage of to back myself up firmly against the wall.
Quite simply, I have allowed old self-programming to overtake my daily existence to the point that i am afraid to try just about anything new and to avoid, basically, leaving my home.
Whilst previously, it probably wasn't a bad idea to stick around the house when I was so vulnerable and naive, now, I'm thinking about moving on and examining all these now faulty old thought patterns.
I tend to avoid all social situations, but, not all social interactions are negative or problematic. As I stated in a recent post, I really have done quite well at surrounding myself with people that are pretty darn stable, trustworthy and safe. So, I think that old automatic dread really needs to go. I mean, if I don't like where i am or if I get uncomfortable,I can always leave. I have that power and ability these days.
I think my anxiety and fear is partially inherited and partly learned. I continue to echo some of my mothers old fears....sometimes I think twice before using the microwave, even though they are perfectly safe.
Lol, she trusted no one and the only evil doers I ever met lived in her house.
I can't remember the last time anyone tried taking advantage of me...and I think I could probably spot it these days.
Something, that I have discovered as of late....most people want to help one another. And if i don't know the answer to something, I have a top 5 list of friends I can call to ask.

Just trying to dispel, bring forth and recognize some of the erroneous thinking patterns that I have fallen into.

Its like, last week, the oil in a pan burst and kindof exploded, the old me would have avoided that pain and potential danger by going to the extreme and never using the stove again. Yes, i was startled and scared but i realized it was time to not give in to the old comfortable ways of always giving up....one sting does not a swarm make....Always giving up...hmmmm..that seems to strike one of those familiar emotional cords.
There comes a point...when you stop trying...and give up on taking risks. I see quite clearly that I have come to that point. And its time to change.
Dr. Phil was saying that your brain turns to automatic programming when the same pattern of thought repeats itself enough. I have automatically become full of anxiety and fear.
Its like that one time, I stuck my hand in the oven and got burned...didn't want to do it again...but the oven isn't turned on anymore.
Somehow, i have to realize that today isn't yesterday. And while some situations may be similar, each is unique. Maybe i would be able to see better if I were more in the now, instead of reliving the emotional patterns and anticipating negative reactions.
John Elder Robinson of "Look Me in the Eye" book fame, was talking about how worry and fear are an integral part of the Aspie survival guide. We are so busy trying to avoid over stimulation, rejection and pain that we spend the majority of our time trying to predict possible scenarios and appropriate responses to not get hurt or look stupid. And often times we (Aspies) worry about things that 99% of the time, never come to pass.
Maybe I have become so intimate with my fear and anxiety that I either can't figure out a way to be without it or I am reluctant to give up my familiar, my security.
Dang, I'm not sure what I am like without fear. Seems the only times I have ever felt safe was when I was around certain individuals, partners or friends.
Seems I have gotten so used to the crutch, that I forgot that I was born able to walk.
Hmmm, there must be some sort of balance available. Mostly between my outside interactions and my needing time to myself without perpetually keeping the door closed. Maybe its time to oil the hinges and leave it open a crack.
In regards to people, heck, there are some i have to tolerate (school), some to keep at a distance and way out of my hemisphere (biological family) and some that I could keep the door open for more often than I have.
Well, this isn't as clear as I would like..but its a good start.