As my regular readers know, my youngest son was born minus a left hand, acheiria in medical terms.Part of our daily life is dealing with the occasional stares. At seven years of age, we have been through this for awhile and to a great extent, it is pretty mundane and routine. Its healthy for kids to inquire and ask and we actually welcome it. There questions are nothng but honest and curious..its a good thing.
Kids and adults frequently have that "curiosity" stare or the gazing at the unknown, unusual and different and I get that. It is human nature to look at that which perplexes and is out of sync with our norms. I fully understand and don't think twice about that.
Then there are the problem people...those adults that for some reason or another are not satisfied with a passing glance. Those who are either rude, misguided or just plain moronic who think that it is perfectly acceptable to stare at my boy, unrelentingly.
I have used the strategy of simply giving them one, good stare back and that usually gets my point across. Every now and then...and today was one of Those days, I get someone who completely ignores my stare back not once, not twice and not even, Not Even Three times...these people I will disrespectfully term "moronically rude people" or MRP for short. I tried finding words so the acronym would be ASS, but it wouldn't work.
So these MRP's, I try and give the benefit of a doubt. Maybe they know someone who also has a limb difference. Maybe they are engineers or innovators who are trying to figure out how he uses his palm to achieve certain things, maybe they have a mental disorder, stuff like that.
The stare back usually works so I was quite frustrated and at a loss when it did not. Note to self-work on "angry eyes" and eyes that say "you are being very rude". Plus, the situation, at a chapel for a friends funeral, called for some respectful protocol. The location stymied me even more in that it was irreverent and it limited my ability to diffuse it.
I was not free to walk up to her and say "Hi, can I help you?" which can also disarm and bring ones awareness to their own actions.
Anyway, on to the part that got me railed and rankled and it simply burns my butt...at the end of the service, just before everyone was to get up and leave...she turns to her husband sitting next to her and she had a number of words with him. Judging by his sudden and consistent looking in our direction, it was painfully clear that this wench was telling her husband all about it so he could get a looksie before we left.
Now, her husband, fully understood my stare back and kept averting his eyes...see that was acceptable and the usual response. And it really pisses me off when someone is so amused that they feel they must share the ...be...nice...unusual sight. Really, is it that fucking important that you must share that which you so stared at with someone else and call their attention to it.
So, yeah, this set me off. I mean, she was sitting like, 5 feet away from him in direct view...She wasn't even trying to be covert. And little guy was feverishly playing a little video game and I was concerned that if he looked up and saw this..it would hurt his feelings. Really? Can people really be that rude at times? At a chapel? At a funeral? In plain view? Man, wisdom does Not automatically come with age.
For my part, I did all that I could, but I obviously need some more strategies. Seriously, I will practice making angry eyes and try and get a bit more emotion to my stareback cause it failed to work this time.
And after wars, as everyone left....should I have said something? Had it not been a funeral, I may have seriously contemplated it, but for the sanctity of the event and for the respect for my friends family, it was not an option...but I am entitled to spout and sputter about a stupid ass, moronic, extremely rude being who so callously and selfishly infringed upon my right to be out in public and accosted.
The vast majority of people are considerate but every now and then one idiot has to show...such is life. No biggie...lesson learned..new strategies in the works...tomorrow is another day
Okay, so having thought about this overnight..I can see what I could have done differently. One, I could have changed seats with Younglink,putting me in her direct line of vision and feeling that I was protecting him to a greater degree.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I could have approached her in the parking lot and asked her why she was staring? And "Don't you find it inappropriate and downright rude to be so overtly staring at a small child with a disability?" " How would you feel if this were your grandson and some stranger could not keep from staring?" Stuff like that. Yeah, note-to-self...good new startegies :)