We Look So Normal...disbelief

There are pluses and minuses to being an Aspie. One positive, we can pass for NT. One negative, we can pass for NT. It has been most interesting to observe my two sons and their disabilities. Eldest, my Aspie has had a much rougher, more challenging time than his younger brother. Eldest needed much more attention, understanding and modifications, but, he looked so darn normal. His superior intelligence helped him get the grades but further pushed others expecations higher. One can only see his challenge if they engage him in social interaction or ask him what an emotion is.

Teachers especially, failed to understand and at more than one school, he was relentlessly punished for not being able to speak, for making odd noises, and for being unable to perform like the others students due to his sensory issues.

Younglink, on the other hand, who was born minus one hand, gets most people's to fall all over him offering assistance, help that he sorely does not need or want. Whilst it be true, he does have to tolerate stares, curiosity, questions and the imbeciles, overall, his journey is easily within his reach. He was born equipped with a vibrant, social personality. He disarms all with his charm and tenacity.

As an Aspie mom, with two challenged boys, I have had a most unique perspective. Things are not always as they appear.

A few people, whom I have shared my autism with, have been in utter disbelief. I have gone from a very low functioning person, to the being I am today. I am quite high-functioning and frequently, mostly, offer no physical signs that I am different.

Conversations and small talk flow with some ease these days. I am no longer consumed by overwhelming chaotic emotion. I dress fairly typical and have learned to walk amongst the others, blending in. One way someone would notice my difference is if we were engaged in a long conversation preferably about a passionate, emotional subject. The other avenue of discovery would be to see the real me that I keep hidden. Ask about my social interactions in any given week. The answer would be 3-4 conversations of five minute durations or less. All my favorite activities require solitude or being within my domicile with family.

It is quite a dichotomy. I'm not singled out or made fun of, as long as I keep my mouth shut. People don't stare at me unless my paranoia is flaring. When I bow out of engagements due to stress or shutdown, others may get suspicious of my autism, more likely they'll just figure it's a ruse.

The people I have shared my Aspergers with have been stellar. I need help with small, everyday things like filling out forms, writing checks, dispelling confusion. When I need help, if someone does not already know of my autism, I tell them. The response has been warmer and friendlier than expected. I believe it s human nature to want to help one another.

I hope my writing , this post has helped:)