A Down Day

On the upside, I had my first decent night of sleeping in, like, forever. I honestly cannot remember the last time I slept for many hours comfortably. I tried my new med and boy, did it feel like a piece of heaven. It was, pardon me if I sound like a heroin addict here, like a gentle slide into a warm, quiet, comforting, safe place. My incessant, rambling mind sllooowwweeedddd way down. All my bothersome aches and body pains evaporated. I was left in the most pleasing of states. So I slept.

Then my day...the aches and digestive discomforts return. The weather is oppressive, hot and stifling...so I go out and mow the lawn. Yep, one of those people who doesn't realize she should come in out of the rain, as it were. Aw, I just don't like feeling useless. I tolerated that for a short spell and it took me out f the running for going to church tonight as I've become somewhat listless and overwhelmed with fatigue.

So I'm laying here, in my room, cleaning up my iPad, drifting off into space, mulling over possibilities and such. Pretty damn useless.

I know there are two items to be done this week, one with therapist and one with my friend. Two main components to my plan for better health. Oh, three, have that lab work done on Monday.

It's hard to see clearly with foggy lens. My autism colors and shades every decision I make. I wish I could trust my autistic self. Hmfp, that sounds like a huge core issue. Like something I always wrestle with but can never pin down.

How can an autistic trust herself? Ever?