Life isn't a primrose path of happy feelings. I am a nice person, but not always. Acknowledging, talking and writing about my irks and "unmentionable" negative emotions, is really freeing me up.
I'd judge...well, I continually judge, whether a thought or feeling is politically correct and sayable.
I try hard not to hurt others feelings but maybe it's just time for more truth and less censorship.
It's been to my emotional and physical detriment to keep so much sequestered in. It's becoming clearer and clearer how closely tied my physical condition is, to the state of my emotions.
Unhealthy, unspoken, clogged emotions lead to a sick body.
I'm tired of stuffing. I'm done putting up with bs.
It's ironic...today, on my walk, I spied, from a distance, one of those unfriends who denies we ever were friends...kinda like a "known stranger." I've learned with these people, to just ignore them without altering my own path. I run from people no more. They have an unknown beef with me, they can monitor my movements out if the corner of their eye....my path will not change.
With this specific "known stranger", I am absolutely clueless as to why she stopped calling. Can't say I really care at this point. She obviously had issues.
I was just talking to another Aspie this week, about how hard it is to figure out the parameters of any friendship. How often to call? When, time wise? How often to ask to visit or hang out? We try really hard to figure out these individualistic boundaries and it's challenging. We really mean not to infringe or overwhelm. Someone hand me the friendship rule book please:)
Funny, I went for a long walk by myself....kept thinking....Autism=the Power if One. And how much easier and freer it is, to be absolutely alone...no strings, no trying to figure this out or that person out....it was nice.
I'm okay alone. It's not necessarily a bad thing. I have moments when I'd like a friend...then the moment passes.
I am not a bad person, in any way, shape or form. I am complex and very hard to get to know. I don't trust easily. I don't play well with others, at times. And I'm okay with that.
I just like having people that care about me and that I can be honest with.
I'm getting more truthful with myself. I'm able to identify, yeah, actually identify and put names to how I feel And I'm willing to write, talk and deal.
Live long and prosper:)