Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Saturday, March 19, 2016

The Hunger, Starvation is Devastating

To be honest, sometimes the hunger of not having enough to eat for days at a time, was worse than being molested. The rapes were a "timed" event that took place over the course of 15 minutes to an hour. I could take those horrific events and box up those memories and set them on a shelf so far back in my mind that they rarely bothered me. The hunger was constant and gnawing. I couldn't escape it.
  The responsibility to feed ones children rests solely, squarely on the shoulders of parents and caretakers. My parents chose to let us go hungry by refusing to seek help when help was available. There were relatives that gladly would have brought groceries, aunts would have taken us out for pizza, uncles would have delivered home cooked meals and our church would have surely offered assistance if only the parents had asked.
I'm not sure why they didn't.
Were they afraid someone would call the authorities to report the neglect or the unhealthy living conditions? Would someone discover the children were being beaten and abused? Was it pride? The latter I highly doubt even though that had been my go-to answer for years. Best guess is their children would have quickly been removed once someone inspected the house. It was deplorable and a no-brainer.
Hunger emotionally damages children. It tells them that they must suffer with no end in sight. It takes away the most basic, incessant need and turns it into a lofty dream, a privileged luxury enjoyed by others but not you. It robs playtime, reading, riding your bike and those simple childhood pleasures because hunger is always there and never, ever let's you forget it.
  A big override switch which makes everything, everything seem trivial and a dim background. Nothing else mattered when I was hungry. Molest me as much as you want as long as I can have a cookie or two. I was often paid and bribed for servicing and silence. It worked Really well when I was starving.
I did survival things like stealing. At the time, the threat of being caught was minor compared to the possible reward. I stole from school, church, relatives and stores. Hunger forced my hand. Desperation I knew you well.
I try not to think of the millions of children going hungry each night. It hurts.
Hunger at night was the worst for there were no possible distractions, just the plight of overwhelming sensations and knowing there would be no relief for hours. And in the morning when there was scant breakfast...knowing you had to wait for lunch and lunch was smaller than breakfast...knowing that only payday, three days away, was the only relief...days were long. Hope was nonexistent. Praying someone would offer you something at lunch or it was a classmates birthday and they brought treats.
  Hunger is a soul killer and a spirit breaker.
It could have been prevented. I will never know why they chose to egregiously injure me and my brothers and sisters so.
It still hurts, a lot

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