My hunger barometer, you know that ability to feel a little hunger, then more hungry, then even more, is nonexistent.
I go from having zero hunger to being famished without so much as a hint that I may be ravenous in the next minute.
I don't have the luxury of taking my time and putting together a thoughtful lunch or casually cooking dinner. My brain goes from zero to ten and I'm overwhelmingly consumed (pun intended) with hunger.
I've learned to keep precooked meals in both the refrigerator and freezer. The ferocious need to eat stops me cold in my tracks from whatever task or chore I'm doing. The sensation is all encompassing and cannot be placed on the backburner, even for a few minutes. When I am hungry I Must Eat Now.
Part of me feels almost like a Neanderthal, primal and desperate in this highly focused need to eat. I must admit, I probably do look a little cavewomanish as I'm standing at the counter with a spoon snarfing cold spaghetti and hoping no one is watching.
There have been times where I have attempted to have regular meals at set times. It didn't really help because if I'm not hungry I'd just skip a meal. Who eats when they are not hungry? Illogical.
My ability to feel hunger is similar to my ability to acknowledge pain. Either I don't hurt at all or I'm like a 10, you know, top of the pain scale. There isn't any real inbetween.
My neurological system operates differently than most. I'm learning that. I have to keep telling myself I'm not crazy, flawed or broken, just Autistic.
