It's been a full week of being unable to properly function, scrambling and struggling just to get food in the house, failing at being a good mom and just highly frustrated at my lack of ability to do even the smallest of everyday task.
I'm angry, bitter and disillusioned that what most people take for granted, what comes easily without fail, is elusive for me. I have to pay for walking out my front door and trying something new or old or hopefully healing.
The price is so steep...I mean, I just lost seven days of my life because I walked into a new building. Seriously!?! Why, for God's sake why?
And each day, this is my dilemma. Do I walk out the front door to gain something needed, required or enjoyed or am I going to stroll into the disruptive Autistic sensory overload and lose an undetermined number of days to shutdown and loss of function?
There Is Never A Clear Answer. I never know if I'll arrive home okay or on the verge of shutdown. This is an unpredictable, chaotic life in which I roll the dice Each time I walk out my door.
Yeah, I'm angry, bitter and disillusioned, at a loss for how to make my life a bit more predictable and functional.
I've cut back on as many extraneous activities as I can. I missed my coffee with friend and boyfriend date. Hoping to make it to therapy this week.
I'm cutting out acupuncture, as much as I like it and think it benefits my health, I don't want to lose another few days or weeks of my life. The price is too high and I'm not willing to pay.
I cancelled my conferences at school that were to take place this week. It is looking doubtful I could have been able to walk that far into the building.
Still in hunter/gather mode. Hope to have enough energy to drive to grocery store, ride electric car and pick up vittles for dinner.
No, I'm not happy. I'm sure it shows.
Hope your day is well.
I'm angry, bitter and disillusioned that what most people take for granted, what comes easily without fail, is elusive for me. I have to pay for walking out my front door and trying something new or old or hopefully healing.
The price is so steep...I mean, I just lost seven days of my life because I walked into a new building. Seriously!?! Why, for God's sake why?
And each day, this is my dilemma. Do I walk out the front door to gain something needed, required or enjoyed or am I going to stroll into the disruptive Autistic sensory overload and lose an undetermined number of days to shutdown and loss of function?
There Is Never A Clear Answer. I never know if I'll arrive home okay or on the verge of shutdown. This is an unpredictable, chaotic life in which I roll the dice Each time I walk out my door.
Yeah, I'm angry, bitter and disillusioned, at a loss for how to make my life a bit more predictable and functional.
I've cut back on as many extraneous activities as I can. I missed my coffee with friend and boyfriend date. Hoping to make it to therapy this week.
I'm cutting out acupuncture, as much as I like it and think it benefits my health, I don't want to lose another few days or weeks of my life. The price is too high and I'm not willing to pay.
I cancelled my conferences at school that were to take place this week. It is looking doubtful I could have been able to walk that far into the building.
Still in hunter/gather mode. Hope to have enough energy to drive to grocery store, ride electric car and pick up vittles for dinner.
No, I'm not happy. I'm sure it shows.
Hope your day is well.
