Life in AspieLand

So I've developed a new obsession with driving to my local Dutch Bros coffee house and grabbing an Americano each day.

I've learned to expect and respond to the three standard questions each Oregonian Must answer at every checkout, cashier or reception area:

1) How's your day going? A mumbled Fine, Good or Great seems to be the appropriate response that will not invite an unexpected follow-up.

2) What are you up to or doing today? This requires a little thought, so I've come up with a standard "running errands".

3) What are your plans for the afternoon, evening or weekend? Sigh. This is the toughest one. Usually I answer "grabbing dinner and kicking back" or if it's that open, nonspecific "weekend" question, I answer "nothing special" or "taking it easy".

Yikes! The Pacific Northwest is freakishly friendly compared to the stoic and sober Midweste Michigan.

This is just how they roll here, with small talk and congenial banter. I've learned not to put any weight into these exchanges. It's like, instead of a handshake as a standard nonsensical greeting, they chat. And there are no wrong answers just responses that don't beg more questions. Keep it standard, short and simple. It really doesn't mean anything.

Anyway, today as I placed my order, the Dutch Bro guy says, "Hey, what's you're name? I see you here all the time. My name's Guido."

Me, in my head, um, like No, too much info. You have just invaded my privacy and I really Don't want to answer that but I can't come up with a pseudonym fast enough.

Bleh, so I felt forced into telling him my name, secretly plotting to never get my coffee at This location again and trying to figure out how many more miles I would have to drive to a subsequent location.

Or, I could simple do a drive by, see if Guido is working and decide whether it would be safe to get my brew, in my preferred nameless fasion.

Dang. And I'd been driving there for a couple mo tha until this Mr. Friendly ruined it for me. I just don't like to call attention to myself or for strangers, even delicious coffee carrying strangers, to know such intimate details as my first name.

Well, tomorrow when the lack of caffeine propels me out the door, I'll have to decide whether to drive 1 mile or 4. Thanks so much Guido, Not.

I do love my Dutch Brothers Coffee, though. One reason I started drinking it is that on the first of every month they give away free stickers. I mean, I'm too ancient to have had teachers giving away stickers in school. And my kids always got stickers for going to the doctor. My kids made me jealous for free stickers all my own. So, I go Dutch. 

I'm bummed because a fun everyday thing just got more complicated, or rather uneasy and a little invasive. I'd rather have just been known as Hot Medium Americano, you know?