I hate that too, not having any control over my life and what I choose to do. Shutdown says "you are down for the count; you're only option is rest; stay in bed." And I have no say in the matter.
Part of me thinks Shutdown is like a failsafe, a kill switch, a self-preservation mechanism that forces me to retreat from external stimuli kindof like how your hand feels the heat of an open flame before actually touching it.
Shutdown is an early warning system screaming in muted colors of red and blue, stop, stop, stop, you are doing too much and have hit overload.
It bothers me that I cannot shorten it, mute it, end its mad, unforeseen end. I do not like being prisoner to it.
One difficult challenge is making peace and trying to accept this bothersome thing called Exhaustion, Burnout or Shutdown. Take your pick. They all mean the same thing. Knockout. Down for the count. Unable to physically get up and out of bed. Fatigue beyond belief. Tiredness without sane reason.
It's Autism, baby. Yeah, one of the parts, one if the main players, actually, that few people know about and fewer still understand.
Sigh.
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