Another Reason I Go Non-Verbal..Voluntarily

There are times when I find myself in selective mutism...and i cannot get out. Looking back, there are also times that I voluntarily, with good reason go non-verbal.
One reason that I will not talk, at times, is my brain is miswired and if I go to say "good morning", even to someone that I normally say that to...my emotions will pour forth in a semi-violent and uncontrollable manner.
Sometimes, I am aware that the emotations are lurking directly below the surface and I know, I Know, that if I say a single word, any word at all, it needn't be about what is causing this emotional uproar, I will have an emotional break down immediately.

Been there, done that, Do Not like that.

It makes no sense from the outsiders point of view and I usually do not feel like explaining why that is taking place. (Most of the time, I seriously may not even know)
I tend to sing at home and frequently, when I start and get it going, the first couple of songs or so, I have to just let ...emotations express before I can get back to a semblance of order and enjoy my little singing venture. More often than not, that is simply what happens with this Aspie.
Verbalization is such a complexity and I am really just starting to understand, comprehend and be okay with my emotional expressions due to their erratic, unpredictable and often, uncontrollable nature.
There are definitely times, where I have to decide whether it is worth the embarrassing emotional display in order to speak and get a point across.
Yeah, for this Aspie, the emotional center is often directly tied to my verbal center.
In the informal and poorly funded study, where I observe the NTs, this is far from usual. Their verbal centers and emotional centers are definitely not as connected. They seem to keep emotations far from their lips, easily within its own compartment which they can access or not access at will, for the most part. Oh, to have such a grasp!

I feel like I have taken a lot of beating, much strife, from myself if not from others, regarding my verbalizations or lack thereof. Its kindof nice and reassuring to discover the whys and howcomes.
Verbalization...its complicated...quite

A Sense of Humor...Surely You Jest

There were a couple of references, in my todays reading literature, that mentioned humor and I thought I'd share.
Aspies have emotional responses as strong as, or perhaps stronger than,most people, though what generates an emotional response might not always be the same.
And, in the same vein, Aspies are notorious for an extreme or different sense of humor.
Here is a ready example of my current obsessive fixation with, what I consider to be, most hilarious profile pictures on my facebook page.
It all started with someone saying, "Post a picture of you and your significant other"...Well I wasn't about to blandly follow such criteria so i proceeded to upload photos of...Batman and Robin kissing (cartoons), Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd, Oprah Winfrey and her "friend" Gail, Dr. Evil and Minime from Austin Powers, (can there really be an Aspie out there who does Not love Autisn Powers and Ace Ventura?) 2 Fembots (beautiful, negligee-clad, blonde bombshells that are actually killer robots), Tom and Jerry and Superman holding Lois Lane. OMG LMAO even thinking about it.
So, now that VD day is over I found a Mona Lisa in a StarTrek outfit that is my current picture.
All this from the woman who cried with sadness when she saw "Charlie Brown" at the theater ten years ago. So sad, picked on, depressed Charlie Brown.
If something tickles me...it Really Tickles me and I can break out into a laugh or grin days later when I think about it. Sometimes when I am driving alone in my car or just walking down the street or an aisle at the grocery store. :)
What is really fun...is finding the hot button of what makes an Aspie Really Happy. Its a lot like a cork in a bottle, day after day, after day until...POP and all that suppressed emotion comes rolling and bubbling forth at amazing velocity often infecting, affecting everyone around.
I can't count how many times a friend had to put her hands over her ears, literally, because I was squealing with great delight. Ok, I have seriously learned to tone down my responses but it is still fun to see it in my eldest. Just the other day he received a brand new XBox for absolutely no reason and as a total surprize. He jumped up and down, clapping his hands in sheer delight. It is definitely a moving experience.
Passion...for all their lack of everyday emotional display, if you hit an Aspies emotional hot button ..watch out.
I remember not that long ago, when I went to one of my monthly school meetings. And, all along I thought I had been presenting my thoughts and feelings on things when a teacher mentioned something about the students need to do portfolios and I felt as if I practically jumped at the opportunity to express my great dismay at this school-issued requirement. And it felt like every eye in the room was suddenly upon me, the crowd fell silent, and finally one of the teachers said something to the effect like, "Wow, Amy actually has an opinion on something!" Had I been amongst strangers, i would have been heartily embarrassed but I wasn't. Whew. And it was interesting because I really thought I had been sharing opinions all along but in truth, it really was my first definitive, very strong opinion. I had bottled up all my deep, passionate dislike for these portfolios and it just kinda burst forth, at the right time.
I don't know...I guess its a lot like looking over a calm, clear sea and only guessing at the depth and churning of the water below.