Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Sunday, April 19, 2015

July 19, 2013 the day my world changed

It's hard to believe that it has been about twenty months since I was diagnosed with Lyme. I remember the moment well. I was covered in sweat, riding the tractor lawn mower when my partner indicated that I had a phone call. She looked different, grim eyes. She said my doctor was on the phone and "you have Lyme disease."
I didn't know what that meant. I picked up the phone and my doctor told me the test was positive and we scheduled an appointment to come in.
I'd heard about Lyme but had no concept of what it meant. I didn't realize it was serious, debilitating and that my life would never again be anywhere near normal.
Since the diagnosis, I've spent week upon week bedridden and unable to move very much. Getting myself to the kitchen and restroom is always a goal. Some days it takes positively incredible inner strength to talk myself into getting my body to move. It's depressing if I think about it too long, so I try not to.
At least my immediate family understands, one hurdle I don't have to deal with.
It's astounding how difficult every day, every small task is. I don't know how I've managed this far...and there is no end in sight.
I continue to research, searching for fixes. I'm on a good regiment that keeps me in this low functioning state. It's surreal. Positively devestating.
My latest treatment addition is weekly acupuncture. Acupuncture can help my body realign and get healthier. I think if I schedule an appointment every week for 4-6 weeks, I'll be able to evaluate whether it has an effect on the Lyme or not. My biggest challenge is finding the strength to get to those appointments.
  I don't know what else I can do. It's just the state of things.

The Firewalker Speaks, favorite post from 12/10


Confessions of a Firewalker..The Phoenix Speaks


You know...sometime really, really soon, I want to give up a life of walking tightropes, breaking barriers and surviving the flames of disasters. Even though I have surely earned my Super hero cape..I would relish the thought of hanging it up in the closet and watching it collect dust, Yeah, it would sit next to the suit of armor I put in there about...oh, seven years ago. Some things Do Belong in the closet...I'm not one of them, but my unused suits and costumes are.
I have outgrown the need to constantly fend off attackers. I broke apart the castle long ago and emptied the moat along with it. Standing naked, the armor was much needed and revered. Not only did it protect against physical attacks but emotional ones as well. Then I outgrew it and retired it to its current place of honor.
The next best thing...a Superhero cape. Of course, it is red and made of heavy duty, flame resistant flannel:) And I have been waving it around quite a bit these days, heavily using its powers of strength, invisibility, resilience and stamina. It definitely comes in handy and I wear it the majority of the time...But
But, someday I would really like to hang it up. I've grown rather annoyed at the constantly having to prove just how much garbage I can handle and deal with effectively. Okay! I know I am strong and capable and have withstood many a violent, traumatic battle. I think I have proven my mettle and courage, folks. I don't have anything more to prove to anyone...heck, I Know I don't have anything to prove to Anyone Anymore.
Personally, I'm good with who I am and what I have accomplished and would rather like to give up this whole "battle readiness thingy". I don't care to be always looking for a good fight just so that I can "win" and overcome obstacles that would devastate the average human. Enough already.
Yeah, it seems like I have visited and lived in some of the most unpleasant of places.
I am looking forward, someday, to hanging up the cape..But right now its keeping me warm.

Favorite Post

Tuesday, December 28, 2010 The Alien Observes..Anger, Hurt, Love Sex  I have observed a number of things... People that are angry are hurt, in pain. They lash out at everyone, blindly, erroneously, swinging fists with eyes closed. Someone hurt them really bad. (I'm talking about those people who seem angry most of the time)And they can't get a grip on it...can't seem to come to terms with it and release their pain in an alternative way. Angry individuals are hurting. Frustration seems to be when someone or something fails to meet some expectation that we have...like a dream unfulfilled. Or when we ourselves, fail to reach a goal. I often Wonder how much I am supposed to allow others to lead their own lives and if and when I am supposed to intervene. Where is the line between being an individual and making ones own choices and allowing someone to do an act which the observer feels is wrong? What is right and wrong anyway, but a subjective point of view? Love and sex. I've noticed that some people equate having sex as being in love, wherein sex becomes some sort of tool in which one can "get love". I don't believe that to be true. Many people who are having sex are no where near love and vice versa. Pain and Love are both HUGE words with a multitude of degrees and meanings, intensities and levels. To say one of them is to whisper into a crowded room...the meaning is only clear to those who can hear it..in a sense, grasp and understand the place in which it is spoken. Alcohol, drugs, excess, its all a pain-killer, something that is hidden or that we are uncomfortable with. Often I think of addiction as a very strange, warped band-aid that is trying so hard to cover up something that we don't like about ourselves...usually it's false expectations imposed upon someone by another. I find it hard to believe that we could have ever done something so awful that we have to hide from ourselves in shame. Or cover it up and try and bury it. Why do we consistently find our every little fault and drag out the magnifying glass? Why do we pick on and berate ourselves for being human? I don't get it. Learned behavior, mostly? The caged bird can sing if it wants

My Lyme Daily Treatment Schedule

I finally wrote out the medications and supplements that I daily take for my Lyme. I'm in a Lyme group, communicate with my doctor and have spent hours researching online.
I currently switched from doxy to Biaxin. The word is out on whether this will work for me. Seems practical to change antibiotics every 6 months because the Lyme parasite/ bacteria mutates. It's the uncertainty of knowing whether or not the Biaxin is effective, will cause a herx reaction or will allow the Lyme to flare that is concerning.
  The Serrapeptase is new this week. It's job is to breakdown the biofilms Lyme hides in.
Chlorella is new, also. I'd been taking Chlorophyll but read that Chlorella offers more in the way of vitamins and trace minerals to assist with detoxing.
Claritin, I started a couple weeks back. A new study showed that large doses of loratadine, the active ingrediant, starves the Lyme and prohibits it's reproduction. The dosage in the study, was much higher than the package recommended dose, and I don't believe it's safe to take more than the one a day. If it helps, okay. Just something new to try.
  The Magnesiums are essential for normal body functions. Lyme feeds off of Mag, so it's important to get the daily recommended dose, plus some.
B-Complex helps with the neurological symptoms, numbness and tingling, and assists maintenance and repair of the nervous system.
  That's most of it.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Long Week

The week has been long, drawn out and empty. I've had about 10-15% of my normal energy each day. I'm basically awake, mentally half alert and too sluggish to move. No energy= no ambition. I sleep a lot but not enough to escape how I feel.
 Time drags its feet. 
 I started a new anti-biotic. I had to convince myself to take it. Definitely a challenge to willingly take a medication that will probably cause me to get sicker before I get better. 
 In Lyme disease, it's called a Herx reaction when the Lyme bacteria/ parasite start dying off and release neurotoxins (Lyme death songs) that cause pain, flu-like symptoms, fatigue and fevers. My Herx reactions typically last a few days to a few weeks. I'm hoping to remain somewhat functionally and continue to be able to shuffle my feet. Uncertainty and living moment by moment, here I come again.
 Highly frustrated.
 Seems like there was more to say. Too tired. Goodnight.

Thursday, April 16, 2015