Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Saturday, August 25, 2012

First Impressions and Aspergers

Heads Up. If you know that you are going to meet someone with Aspergers for the very first time, heed my advice. Dress in comfortable clothes that give clues to your personality. Wear sensible and fun shoes, as Aspies spend a lot of time looking down. Bling it up. Adorn yourself with sparklies, jewelry, watches and bracelets, and something shiny at your neckline. Aspies love bling and it gives us a focal point other than your face.
Most importantly, wear the brightest, friendliest smile you can muster. The first impression you create, is the one that will forever stay with the Aspie. Make it a happy memory.

Friday, August 24, 2012

The Many Reasons I Sometimes Cannot Talk

In rethinking my post, "When I Cannot Speak", there are actually a multitude of reasons I am unable to utter a single word.
1) When I am in one of my autistic exhaustion shutdown modes,and I simply do not have the energy.
2) if I get very emotional, verbal center shuts down
3) sometimes I have two or three trains of thought vying to get out at once
4) I go selectively mute when overwhelmed with anxiety
5) I cannot pronounce words, names....for reasons unknown to me. Unusual proper people names that don't compute in my Aspie brain
6) words that can have sexual connotations, pleasure, s t i m, g r o i n. And words I consider gross....f e c e s, c r a p, v o m i t....sometimes I can say them, but rarely
7) I cannot pronounce words, Not already in my mental dictionary, like acacia as an example, properly unless I hear someone say it and then consciously write out the word in my head.
8) when younger, non-verbal or mute parts of myself are fully present
Verbalizing...well, it's very complicated

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The Most Important Thing I Wish People Would Understand About My Autism

....is that I am giving 110% , 100% of the time. Simple tasks often involve Enormous Effort. I am probably the most honest person that you will ever meet...in your lifetime. I fake Nothing. I manipulate no one. Please believe what I am trying to say to you. That's all I ask.
Case in point, funny, sad but true. I was invited onto my friends boat, the other day. I saw my friend descend this ladder and easily hop on. I got stuck and stymied. I stood there. I had difficulty figuring out exactly how to turn my body and go down this ladder And step upon this boat that was visibly moving...swaying...in the water. Visually, it was daunting...the descent, not being able to see where I was going and stepping onto a new, strange moving object. Oh, I was sure I would end up in the water. This whole, relatively simple experience put my autistic mind into a tailspin. After standing there...I asked for help and with difficulty managed to accomplish this.
I am, very honestly, doing the very best that I can with what I have got.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Aspergers Communication 101

Communication, like everything else in my life, is a complexity. I'll try and narrow down the highlights of the communication challenge:
I have to figure out exactly what I want to convey, find the right words and put them in order so I may be understood.
Two, I have to decide whether what I want to say, is appropriate.
Three, I have to casually scan, search, for the right time to verbalize, watching for lips to stop moving, pauses in the other persons speech and some good guessing that it is my turn to speak.
Four, lol, I have to actually speak the words and sentences that I have been holding in wait, in my brain.
Sounds easy, doesn't it? It's weird how the simplest, everyday things, no one ever thinks or worries about causes great stress for this Aspie.

People write blogs for different reasons. Me, I write so people hear me....so my thoughts are finally expressed...my blog listens and makes me real:)

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Aspergers, Employment and Reality

Well, I sat down with a friend of mine, who knows me extremely well and understands autism. She confirmed my current train of thought. I don't believe that I could ever hold a full time job due to my autism.
Hmm, in my late forties and finally seeing the full picture.
Even a short term, part time job is questionable due to my shutdowns, emotional....upheavals and selective mutism.
It's a...challenging piece of reality. This is how I will always be. Unless an ideal job comes along...I don't have the ability to retain sustainable employment.
I'm still processing this info. I don't know, the fallacy was fun...that I could get a job. Hmm, time for that harsh reality check.

I will...always require human assistance in understanding basic, everyday things and situations. I will always be fifty cents short of a dollar. This is more challenging then the former as I must interact with nts. Nts are not the most trustworthy of individuals. I find, overall, their moral code to be subpar. Yikes, I'm not trying to be prejudicial, but I have run in to too many nts that lie with alarming regularity. Trust of Aspie to nt......yikes.
How many people have I trusted...well, actually, I can think of three or four at this moment, people nts that I currently know. Hmmm, those few bad apples really do spoil the sauce. My apologies nts. Some Do have acceptable and admirable morals. Sorry I jumped to judgement.
So, I will always have to rely on others....to stay in touch with everyday reality, that is.
Hmm, I was going to write more...but those two items right there will keep me up nights...processing
It'll be ok

Saturday, August 4, 2012

A Down Day

On the upside, I had my first decent night of sleeping in, like, forever. I honestly cannot remember the last time I slept for many hours comfortably. I tried my new med and boy, did it feel like a piece of heaven. It was, pardon me if I sound like a heroin addict here, like a gentle slide into a warm, quiet, comforting, safe place. My incessant, rambling mind sllooowwweeedddd way down. All my bothersome aches and body pains evaporated. I was left in the most pleasing of states. So I slept.
Then my day...the aches and digestive discomforts return. The weather is oppressive, hot and stifling...so I go out and mow the lawn. Yep, one of those people who doesn't realize she should come in out of the rain, as it were. Aw, I just don't like feeling useless. I tolerated that for a short spell and it took me out f the running for going to church tonight as I've become somewhat listless and overwhelmed with fatigue.
So I'm laying here, in my room, cleaning up my iPad, drifting off into space, mulling over possibilities and such. Pretty damn useless.
I know there are two items to be done this week, one with therapist and one with my friend. Two main components to my plan for better health. Oh, three, have that lab work done on Monday.
It's hard to see clearly with foggy lens. My autism colors and shades every decision I make. I wish I could trust my autistic self. Hmfp, that sounds like a huge core issue. Like something I always wrestle with but can never pin down.
How can an autistic trust herself? Ever?