Having Aspergers, for this alien, is like walking through life with a blanket over my head. Its a heavy, brown and opaque (not letting light or anything else, for that matter, pass through)...an impenetrable barrier. The blanket is completely within my control. Sure, some have tried to lift it up, from the outside, but it proved to be too mighty of a task.
That is kindof what it feels like for me. I am separate from others unless I "lift the veil".
It is a source of protection as it attempts to keep out all the extraneous stimuli...It helps me to not lose focus or be drawn into inconsequential drivel, small talk and gossip.
I have to remember to lift it up.. I can literally spend days conversing and interacting with, say, my partner and not "see" her. I don't know if it is purely physically, and i fail to look her in the eye at all, or that I just am unable to focus on her at all. She may get, oh, a new haircut or something as odd as a little scratch on her nose and I,literally, will not notice it.
I took my seven yr old to the dentist and the guy remarks that my son "has a deep bite, which you probably already noticed.." Ahhh, nope, I just see a beautiful little guy and never really focused on what type of bite he had. Plus, it was simply something that I was totally unfamiliar with, so I asked hi to explain it to me, which he promptly and kindly did.
I am not real aware of the outside world, at times.
I often don't know when school is off for the day or only half-day because its hard to pay attention and read i the dark the bulletins sent home from school. Thankfully I have a great partner and some friends that now know to mention such things to me.
I rarely look in the mirror...I guess I don't know how they work.I went so far as to buy one for right beside the door I always exit. Hmm, I guess one is actually supposed to stand in front of it and peer. Obviously, it is a pretty decoration with little practicality for me.
When you live in your own world...you are your own best friend and worst enemy rolled into one. It becomes so comfortable and familiar in there that it is hard to venture out of it.
Lately, I have been teaching myself to do new, more aware things..like when my partner comes home from work, I have to stop whatever I am doing (Not easy) and give her a hug and ask her how her day was...then I Have To Listen and Look at Her. Yeah, its new, but I have been doing it with my boys so I have some practice in it :) It is a conscious effort but worth it..she is great!
Anyway, thats it for now...later
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