Nothing like a little death to make one realize they are alive.
Now what? I spent a fair amount of time, this past week, questioning the reasons for my existence. I have always been that way..searching for the deeper meaning of life.
Seriously, entire days, weeks, and yes, even months, have been spent seeking answers.
So, my big question, that arose last week was...WTF? Yeah, what am I doing here?
I think I have come up with some possible answers...enough to satisfy my soul, anyway.
I draw upon a couple of books by Neale Donald Walsch, plus the movie Eat, Pray, Love....
I am here, in this life, to experience my self...to experience God alive in me...to discover who I am.. to be fully engaged and explore all my aspects and avenues...to tread where others have always dread....to arise from the deepest of pits and plummets...to ride the tall winding rollercoasters that even thrillseekers refuse to engage...to find love and beauty...to overcome the tallest of challenges...to climb that mountain, not because it is there, rather, because it is in my way and I want to get over it....to explore the Damn, it seems like I have been thrown into the very pits of hell and I spend the vast majority of time just digging, examining, and figuring it all out...discarding, shedding and growing.
I don't think many others have been through, have experienced even a hint of the magnitude.....I have explored so many dark corners that I found myself caught in...experiences ...damn...trying to convey here....I have visited and lived in the darkest most painful of realms...it feels like so many lifetimes have been rolled into this one...this one, man....Im not sure if I am relating this clearly enough....
You know, I am really quite extraordinary..let's just say my life, this life of experiences thus far, could easily fill volumes...and it isn't pretty, flowery pages of poetic longing, dreams realized and wishful thinking..no, its extremely raw, gritty, dirty, the kind of stuff that you read and say, "Whoa, I am sooo glad that that did not happen to me" shit. And "How in the hell did you live through that?" stuff.
Yeah, those who know me...those few, privileged, kind, remarkable people that I call my "Peeps", those who know of the valleys, back alleys and wasteland where I have slept and crept...yeah, they know that of which I speak....
I am Here...Get used to it...I am
I keep reading/ hearing that life is something to be enjoyed and savored...lol...yeah, thats my next destination
Peace Out
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