Prepare to enter the wild and wooly world of an adult with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism characterized by intellignce, quirks, social difficulties and downright strange and oddish behaviours.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. They also tend to take words literally and have a hard time multi-tasking.

Oversensitivity to touch (clothing has to be soft and often the tags removed), light (do not leave home without the sunglasses), sound (loud noises and noisey places are avoided), taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet and are frequently very picky eaters) and smells makes the everyday existence more of a challenge.

Fasten your seatbelts and come on in...
To find out more about what Aspergers is..please check out my earliest blog entries

Monday, May 19, 2014

The Depth of Human Evil......Trigger ALERT

Therapy today. Very, very physically and emotionally challenging. One of my roughest sessions to date. It's been about seven hours...and the realizations, the ramifications have surfaced.
 I won't go into detail. Sometimes I worry that a pedophile or unstable abuser will get ideas. I don't need to write it to know that it is absolutely true. It is still a fresh, raw wound.
 I'm astounded at the horrendous acts that can be thought up, passed down from generations and perpetrated against children. Horror is the closest word I can find.
 I was tortured. There is no other way to put it. I was tormented and threatened. My heart was filled with terror. My throat was silenced in fear. My dad managed to get me alone, put me in an....extremely violent position whereby he could have easily killed me in an instant. I, for awhile, when this took place at seven, firmly believed that he was actually going to kill me this time. It was that painful and precarious a situation. I came so close to death at his hand.
 As he tortured me, threatened me, he created a phrase,a code word so that every time he said the word, I would relive and remember his tortured threat. To give you some insight...it probably took me anywhere from 10-20 minutes to actually, verbally break through the wall and say the code word. It had that much power and fear over me. Yeah, try spending even ten minutes saying one single word. There was massive resistance and an outpouring of scattered, deep emotion.
 This one "incident" was so severe, that it could have easily put someone in therapy for a year. So damaging and destructive. It will take me awhile to sort it all out. So much terror, pent-up. Figuring out how to let go and process.
 No child, much less an innocent animal, should ever, ever have to endure the torture I lived through. I am astounded that I was able to continue to live a quasi-functional life after this incident.
 More later.

1 comment:

  1. I am so very sorry for what you have endured, and what you are having to deal with, during therapy, my friend. As you are aware, I do believe that one HAS to go there, in order to heal and grow, but it can be extremely traumatic to do so.

    Take heart, that you are on a path of healing and growth, though at times, it may not seem that way. There is so much that needs to be understood and processed, and that can only happen, when one is ready to do so.

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