I have lingering moments where I feel I could heal myself of every ailment, by endlessly writing, and stumbling upon the key words, subconscious thoughts and darkened memories that have contributed or caused my malicious maladies.
Thus I scribe, first the obvious, the overflow, the jetsam floating everywhere clouding my vision and thinking. Over brush clearing tends to take awhile, like the yard unmowed grows knarly and thick without regular cutting. Semi-weekly journaling maintains a bit of order.
It would probably astound you, if you had the ability to comprehend the enormous amounts of thoughts, questions, scenerios, hypotheticals and potential answers the average Aspie produces and consumes each and every hour...hundreds of different thoughts sometimes. Oh, each day is different and nighttime seems to accelerate the thoughts, but it's safe to say that hundreds of varying thoughts are pondered within any given day.
Sure, I look like a "space case", at times...the lights are on but no one's at home to answer the door, but, trust me, I'm in a more familiar, pleasanter place...inside myself, thank you very much. I chuckle, naw, few can truly grasp the concept.
In an ideal world, I would have one or two friends to sit and talk with weekly about this mental energy and tidings. However, being the good Aspie that I am, friends are scarce to nowhere. I seem to burn any "friend" off, in under six months on average. I have therapy once a week and prioritize the erratic thoughts in order of importance...what needs to be heard..what needs to be brought out in the open and examined in brighter light, into a one hour time frame. Yeah, that's how I spend the day before therapy, prioritizing issues. Yum.
Ain't no big thing, just the truth. Writing weekly, daily becomes more essential when the possibility of external venting and sharing is null. No pity please, you just learn to live with what you can get and you search for other avenues to meet needs, wishes, wants, whatever.
There are various avenues of writing. Facebook is good for generalized statements, brief non-personal interactions, basically small talk. It's also of benefit in airing out grievances, political speak and yeah, the occasional bit of dirty laundry.
Then there is blogging, which allows you the freedom to write large or small amounts of personal revelation to share with everyone and no one at the same time. Cyberspace is an empty, cold hearted mistress and you get nothing back, no receipt, no sign you've been heard unless someone leaves an anonymous comment. It's a great way to feel heard, listened to and ignored simultaneously...but, it does air things out.
See, the more thoughts that are stuck inside, the larger the chaos, possible confusion and ability to make sense to the outer world...yeah, sometimes that's advisable, being able to communicate to others.
Then you have probably the most freeing, yet dangerous, writing of all. Journaling, writing long-hand, spontaneously, voraciously, without rules or deep thought...you know, the stuff that comes pouring out of you after reading a heart touching poem, or how you feel upon awaking free from the nightmare but still able to recall, write and drip with the fear, the palatable sensations. Keeping a journal, a diary is probably the cheapest, healthiest thing a person can easily do. Thoughts and feelings tend to become clearer and easier to understand written out. When I lived alone, I relished the freedom of leaving my journal sitting out in the open, on my coffee table. The key words being, "when I lived alone."
Now that I live amongst others, the idea of a real live journal is impossible. Too many people; too much curiosity; too little trust; too much personal info for anyone but meself.
Thus, I resort to mostly blogging. Publishing only the ones deemed "not too personal".
Writing is important and quite healthy.
At some point I'll have journals again. At some point.
